


Something you need

by spacewritermonkey



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacewritermonkey/pseuds/spacewritermonkey
Summary: Whatever it is between Beatrice and Ava is no one else's business but theirs. But what if someone makes it their business as well? What if Ava was made to choose? The answer seems obvious but where does that leave Beatrice?
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 136
Kudos: 774





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because as someone mentioned in a certain group chat that shall not be named, it may be easy to overlook the fact that Beatrice is a nun, but she is.

Even Mary could occasionally be found on certain days attending mass. Not always, of course, but whenever Beatrice sees her, the younger woman offers a slight nod in greeting. Mary awkwardly juts her chin out in acknowledgment before trudging towards one of the last pews, throwing her whole weight upon it when she takes her seat. Beatrice thinks Mary attends mass whenever she misses Shannon just a little bit more than usual. She would never be the first to mention it, but she has seen a tear or two rolling down Mary’s cheek on more than one occasion. Beatrice supposes that she can understand. Shannon regularly attended morning service without fail. Even if she woke up early for training, all of the sisters would inevitably see their champion amongst them each morning. Shannon loved and was loved in return. Perhaps by Mary more than anyone else.

The day she died, they lost more than just a halo bearer. They lost a sister. But what Mary lost, Beatrice cannot fathom. And such an eventuality is not an idea she is willing to delve into. Not yet.

They were fortunate to have found a new halo bearer despite the initial… _difficulties_.

Beatrice is unaware of the small smile that grows on her lips at the mere thought of Ava.

Their new halo bearer is definitely unusual. It’s unfortunate—and God knows Beatrice has tried to educate some of her fellow sisters—that some have been less than welcoming in acknowledging Ava as the Warrior Nun. Never a word to Ava’s face of course, but Beatrice has heard the whispers. Some question her presence and her abilities. Beatrice can only remind them that the halo actually _chose_ Ava.

Nonetheless, Beatrice can somewhat understand where her fellow nuns may be coming from. Ava at her core is an independent spirit with a delicate but persistently stubborn streak. Given everything that she has been through, it’s quite awe-inspiring when she looks at Ava and sees how far she’s come—at the same time recognizing what Ava could have turned into instead. Part of that stubbornness, unfortunately, meant Ava did _not_ like to participate in any of the usual activities around Cat’s Cradle that she deemed the slightest bit boring. Which of course means one would _never_ find Ava joining them for morning, afternoon, or evening prayers, including mass.

That is why Beatrice nearly stumbles when she catches sight of someone who _looks_ like Ava lingering by the doors of the church, looking around as if searching for something or someone.

Unconsciously, Beatrice slowly raises her hand to catch Ava’s attention. When Ava’s eyes land on her, she beams a wide smile in her direction and Beatrice could not help but return it.

Mass is about to start but some of the nuns have yet to take their seat, including Beatrice.

“Hi!” Ava greets cheerily as she stops right in front of her.

“Hi. Um…are you lost?” Beatrice rarely stutters but Ava seems to find it endearing as she throws her head back and laughs with abandon, catching the attention of everyone within hearing range, which is basically everyone inside the church, given the acoustics of the building.

It should be embarrassing really, especially given how everyone’s focus is upon them. Except, neither of them seems to notice.

“I was thinking of sitting in on uh,” Ava waves her hands around in a gesture hoping to convey everything, “…on this. See what the fuss is all about,” she grins.

Beatrice sends her a gentle look of admonishment, but nonetheless ducks her head a bit in a fit of sudden shyness at the thought of Ava wanting to be there—here. This early. For mass. For…

The nun immediately snaps her head back up, searching Ava’s eyes, her own narrowing in suspicion. “Why _do_ you want to attend mass?”

Ava is more or less hopping in place, never quite able to sit still ever since she received her miracle in the form of the halo. “I was curious. I’ve never been. I wanna see what it’s like.” She suddenly stops and a slight frown forms on her face as she asks in a low tone, “Unless…I can’t be here? Is this like a members-only gathering?”

Beatrice shakes her head right before someone beside her pipes in. “Sunday mass is sacred. It’s not meant to be treated like some tourist trap you want to sample and experience for yourself.” Beatrice swiftly throws a sharp look at the nun beside her, _Sister Madeleine._

“And yet we have tourists lining up at the Vatican, don’t we, Sister Madeleine?” Beatrice’s voice is low, but also holds a dangerous edge. Something the other obviously recognizes as she suddenly excuses herself before leaving to find another seat with less volatile companions, she thinks.

Before Ava could even consider doing the same, Beatrice stretches a hand towards the recently vacated seat, “If you want, you can sit beside me.”

Ava looks around at the other sisters nearby and note their inability to look at her. Beatrice throws a surreptitious glance at the rest of the women in her pew and immediately a few shuffle to create a bigger space to indicate its availability.

Mentally, Ava shrugs away that useless observation and eagerly takes the seat offered to her.

It’s not exactly a crowd per pew, but Beatrice is very much conscious and aware of the distance between them. She struggles to remember to focus that she’s there for God, for a specific purpose.

A struggle indeed it remains as Beatrice unwittingly finds herself having to coach Ava through some of the responses, despite the prayer book provided for each attendant. Beatrice also had to nudge and signal to Ava whenever they had to stand, sit back down, or when to kneel. Beatrice nearly loses her composure when she hears Ava mutter under her breath how she didn’t know there’d be a workout involved with all the sitting down and getting back up.

It is during the priest’s homily, when Beatrice spies a glance to check on Ava, that the young nun is rendered speechless.

The intricate designs and details inlaid in the high ceiling, coupled with the stained-glass windows, the cool stone walls, the worn out floors that make up the interior of the church have always been something Beatrice admires every time she sets foot inside. Her favorite moments are the ones when sunlight pierces through the various colored glasses, bathing everyone in its path with an ethereal glow. It’s quite irrational to even consider it really, but Beatrice likes to think it’s God’s way of blessing them and showing them that they are in His favor.

It is in this moment, right here with Ava’s focus surprisingly on the priest celebrating the mass that Beatrice wonders if Ava is more than just the halo’s choice. The glow about her is hypnotizing. If she didn’t know any better, Beatrice would accuse the halo of doing something.

The shaft of sunlight has come to rest almost directly atop the crown of Ava’s head. The light unwittingly bares every single feature of Ava’s: her skin which seems to radiate brilliance, the thin wisps of hair that her ponytail cannot contain, the curl of her lips as she chuckles, the eyes that twinkle in mirth, and the sound of her laughter.

It is genuine, seemingly unburdened, light and airy, and it’s nearly everything that Beatrice hopes to be able to capture in all its tangibility so she can be sure to have something of Ava’s to keep. To remember. No matter what happens.

Beatrice breaks out of her reverie and is shocked to find Ava actually laughing.

Out loud.

She subtly looks around and notes the scrutiny from fellow nuns. From the pew across, Beatrice sees Camila trying to hide a smile while Lilith shakes her head. Beatrice isn’t even going to attempt to look for Mary’s reaction. For a moment, Beatrice fears repercussion of some sort when she notices Mother Superion observing from her seat near the altar, serving as a lector for each mass. Before she could decipher the look on her superior’s face, Beatrice is distracted by Ava who tugs at the sleeve of her habit and, while still chuckling, points at the priest—to Bea’s chagrin—and goes “Bea! He’s funny!”

It is only when the priest laughs and commends Ava for being one of the few who seem to be truly listening to his homily and appreciating his jokes that seems to stave off any further shame.

* * *

Mass is over and everyone exits the church in an orderly manner. In a mass of dark wimples and habits, Ava’s chosen shirt of the day stands out, which makes it easy for Camila, Lilith, and Mary to suddenly make an appearance: Lilith flanking Ava’s other side, Mary bringing the rear and Camila in front.

Beatrice is unsure if the rest of her sisters are aware, but the diamond formation set up around Ava is a message in itself for the other nuns surrounding them. She glances at Ava and is heartened she appears oblivious to these details. She knows it is likely to upset Ava instead of understanding and appreciating the lengths—conscious or otherwise—that they are willing to go through for her. It is all too probable that all it would do is shake the foundation of this trust and bond between Ava and everyone else that is still so new.

“Nice shirt, Ava.” Lilith’s compliment breaks Beatrice’s focus.  
“Thanks, Lilith! I saw it, liked it, and Camila was kind enough to buy it for me.” Ava smiles widely and lunges forward to suddenly grab Camila from behind, wrapping her arms around the nun in a tight hug.

Camila blushes but also beams in happiness at the eerily similar level of joy she can see emanating from Ava. The look on both girls’ faces makes Lilith pause from shooting back a retort. Instead, all she does is mutter about what could have possibly inspired Ava to buy a tie-dye shirt. Mary hears it though and snorts. “Be thankful she decided to stick to the regular pants at least.” Mary lightly kicks Ava in the ass and Ava predictably yelps but merely throws a dark look towards the gun-toting woman. “I think Duretti can see that shirt from his office in the Vatican,” Lilith can’t help add.

“We’re just a little bit…taken aback by the choice of color…s” Mary emphasizes on the pause and then drags out the s letter for effect.

Ava rolls her eyes. “I loved watching the process of how they make the shirts. Sue me,” she shrugs.

“My eyes would love to sue you,” Lilith swears internally it’s the last. For breakfast.

Ava simply sticks out her tongue in defense.

Before Beatrice could break up the potential brawl, movement in front of them instinctively draws them to stop and stiffen until they realize it is Mother Superion.

“Good morning, Mother Superion,” they all greet her in unison.

“Good morning, girls. Ava, may we speak in my office?” Mother Superion wastes no time in small talk or pleasantries. She needs to speak with the Halo Bearer immediately. She also chooses not to notice how the four other nuns seem to have adopted a defensive stance. In her presence, no less.

Ava frowns but nods. “Oh. Okay.”

Mother Superion offers a small smile to Ava and the rest before turning away, expecting the Warrior Nun to immediately follow.

Beatrice clenches her fist but is mortified to find out that one of her hands is currently holding onto Ava’s. She doesn’t even remember doing it!

They are right in the middle of the hallway, the remaining stragglers for breakfast line and they all draw a little closer to each other, keeping their voices low as the other nuns walk around them to get inside the dining area.

“Maybe we should go with you,” Beatrice offers.

“She didn’t say it, Bea, but I’m pretty sure her tone implied ‘alone’.”

Beatrice looks at her fellow sister warriors first before responding, “We can just wait outside the door at least.”

Ava shakes her head. “I’ll be fine. I guess I’ll see you guys at the dining hall later or whatever,” Ava sighs sadly.

“Don’t worry, Ava. Maybe whatever it is wouldn’t be so bad.” Camila places a hand on one of Ava’s shoulders. She won’t say a word about Beatrice holding Ava’s hand.

“It’s not that. I’m missing breakfast. I’m not going to make it in time to get _patatas_!”

Lilith rolls her eyes and huffs in exasperation at the same time. “I can save you the potatoes if that’s all.” To everyone’s surprise Lilith immediately turns and marches towards the dining hall and towards the start of the line. Maybe it was the look on her face but the poor nun at the front of the line sees Lilith and promptly hands over her full plate. Lilith assesses the plate and turns towards one of the women serving and Ava is seriously impressed when she sees another serving of her favorite on an entirely separate plate handed to Lilith.

The former heir to the halo turns toward them, holding up both plates and walks over to their usual spot on the long table.

If the other nuns decide to scoot a bit farther away, they didn’t notice.

“Okay now that the issue of your food has been settled—” Mary gets cut off by Ava. “Guys. It’s fine. It’s Mother Superion. I mean, she could have tossed us out on our asses, but she stuck around to help us. I think we’re good for a one-on-one chat.”

Beatrice doesn’t like Ava’s nonchalant tone, but understands that pushing it might cause the halo bearer to think they had no faith in her abilities. And so, against her better judgement, Beatrice forces a smile on her face and nods.

* * *

Ava enters the office and vaguely recognizes that hardly anything has changed between its current and previous occupants. Well, maybe more cushions, Ava observes as Mother Superion looks up from her seat and beckons the young woman to take a seat.

“Is this about the garden incident? Because, I _swear_ I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s not the garden incident, Ava.” Mother Superion cuts her off. “Nor is it about any other incidents I may or may not know of,” she continues before Ava can even think of offering other would-be grievances she doesn’t really want to know.

“Really? Not even the one in Camila’s—”

“Do you really want to tell _me_ about your shenanigans with the other sisters?” _God help me_ , Mother Superion prays. This is precisely why she likes to keep her interactions with Ava as minimal as possible.

_You know the reason’s a little bit more convoluted than that._

The older woman picks up her cane and stands up, “Allow me to cut to the chase, Ava.” She moves around the table and stops to take the other guest’s chair.

“What exactly is your relationship with Sister Beatrice?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ava is confronted by Mother Superion. Some truths are dropped.

“I don’t understand.”

To Ava’s credit, Mother Superion sees that the look of confusion on her face is genuine.

“The question is truly simple, Ava. What is your relationship with Sister Beatrice? Is she your friend?” Mother Superion looks on calmly, observing.

“Well, yeah! I like to think that we’re friends. All of us, really.” Ava laughs akwardly, wondering what this is all about.

“Close friends?”

“I...guess.” Though the lilt at the end makes it sound more like a question. Ava seems to catch herself on that one and stammers to add, “May I ask why do you want to know?”

“More than friends?” Mother Superion’s stare is penetrating, unforgiving, and her question all but serves to override Ava’s own inquiry.

“What are you asking exactly?” Ava is unaware of her hands that have become restless on her lap.

“Would you say you’re close enough like sisters?”

It’s Mother Superion’s last question that causes Ava to freeze.

 _Sister? I mean we’re close. I think. But sister? Maybe? Wait. What if Beatrice sees ME as a sister? That can’t be, I mean. Do_ I _want her to see me as a sister? Hang on a sec. So what? Is that a problem?_

“Is that a problem?” Ava lobs one more question towards the older woman.

Mother Superion remains silent and continues to stare at Ava.

“People have been talking, Ava. They see and hear things, and frankly, much as I don’t want to _know_ anything, here we are.”

“People are talking about what? And WHAT people? Are they talking shit about me?” Ava is beginning to get incensed. Everyone else can go fuck themselves if they have something to say about her, but Beatrice is off limits. The nun can put up a good front, but Ava likes to think she knows Beatrice best out of everyone else. And she can see the very brief flicker of insecurity whenever Beatrice thinks she’s failed at something or failed someone.

“You and Sister Beatrice have been observed to have gotten close.”

“Yeah, yeah. We established that. We’re super close. Like this.” Ava rolls her eyes as she holds up two fingers crossed.

“This is no laughing matter, Ava. Sister Beatrice is an outstanding member of this order. She is an excellent role model to younger women and even to her peers and those older than her.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, Mother. I know all these. Beatrice is amazing. She’s one of the best—if not _the_ best.”  
  
“Simply put, your _closeness_ with Sister Beatrice is detrimental to her image.”

The Warrior Nun staggers at the statement, stuck just looking at Mother Superion with something resembling the beginnings of outrage.

“My _closeness_?? Are you—” Mother Superion merely holds up one hand to halt the tirade bubbling from the girl.  
  
“I asked you earlier, ‘what is your relationship with Sister Beatrice?’ Call it whatever you want, Ava, but the fact is _Sister_ Beatrice is a nun who took her vows and you hanging around with her and acting like lovers is _definitely_ not a good thing.”

_Lovers? What? LOVERS??!_

“We’re not lovers!” Ava blurts out.

Mother Superion doesn’t smirk nor does she call Ava a liar.

“But you want to be. You both do.” She says it like it’s a given.

If a jaw could drop to the floor, Ava’s pretty sure that’s where you can find hers at that very moment.

_I mean, do I? Does Beatrice?_

Beyond her control, a red blush creeps across Ava’s face.

Mother Superion sighs and simply says, “I see.”

Mentally shaking herself from the images of what being Beatrice’s lover might entail, Ava goes on to protest. “See what? We’re _not_ lovers. In fact, whatever we are is none of anyone’s business but ours!”

Slamming her cane atop the desk, Mother Superion is quick to turn and show the beginnings of a temper that she usually keeps under wraps. Temper and flash of emotion which Ava recalls she saw last when she was so naively new to the OCS.

“Beatrice to you is _Sister_ Beatrice, to the church and to the Order, Ava! She _is_ a nun! She _has_ her vows! If she breaks those vows, she will have to leave. Do you even understand the ramifications of what being involved together means? The mere accusation of being involved romantically? With another woman no less!”

“You can’t do that!” Ava stands up and slams her own palms on top of the table, small cracks appearing and webbing its way from the edges of where her fingers have dug in. Once again, Mother Superion notes the volatility of both the halo and its bearer.

“It is, in fact, OUR business, Ava. I don’t even want to make it my business, but it is what it is. We are walking a fine line after what happened in the Vatican, especially with Duretti running things.”

“We aren’t even doing anything,” the pained whisper Ava makes nearly breaks Mother Superion. But she has to do what is best for everyone. For the greater good.

“Before you even think of the possibility of Beatrice revoking her vows, I’m sorry, Ava. Beatrice is good, nearly scarily so. But she is _not_ irreplaceable.”

“She IS to me!” Ava shouts, a tear slipping down her cheek unchecked.

“You have to consider what your relationship with Beatrice means to her as a nun, its ramifications to the order.”

Silence reigns for long while, the only sound notably apparent is the harsh breathing coming from Ava, who is trying her best to gain control of her emotions, of the halo. Finally, she looks up and meets Mother Superion’s gaze with a pained and fierce expression.

“I’m not going to hurt Beatrice. You’ll tell her all of these. Or I will. I won’t ghost her, if that’s what you’re asking me to do.”

The older nun does not respond but makes her way towards the window, crossing her arms as she stares blindly at nothing outside her window.

“Ava, you are aware that the halo rejected me. Remember?”

Quite confused at the sudden turn of the conversation, Ava can only nod, even if Mother Superion can’t see her apart from the vague reflection she imparts on the window.

“But you don’t know why.”

Ava startles. This is actually one of the things that made Mary quite suspicious and wary of their superior after the whole betrayal of Vincent came to light. What did the halo _know_ that prompted it to reject Mother Superion whom, by all means, would have been the perfect halo bearer.

But what did it have to do with _them_?

She turns around to meet Ava’s gaze head on, her arms unconsciously transforming from crossed to wrapping around herself as if preparing for the onslaught of memories her own admission will inevitably bring.

“I fell in love with a woman, Ava. A long time ago. I fell in love, forgot my vows, forgot my duties. Forgot that falling in love with a woman is considered a sin in my faith.”

A tear falls down Mother Superion’s cheek and she doesn’t even wipe it away as she continues.

“I lost the halo. And I lost the woman I loved.”

She shakes her head as if trying to clear itself of the memories as she steps closer towards the frozen younger woman in front of her. She takes Ava’s hand in hers as she speaks.

“The burden of the halo goes beyond sacrificing our lives for the greater good. It’s sacrificing what makes us happy. What we love.”

The words trigger a memory of Beatrice tearfully recounting the entries of Sister Melanie and what those words meant to her. Ava feels like shouting in anger. In pain.

“In your case, I guess you should remember it’s a little bit different. You lose the halo and you lose your life.”

Ava remains immobilized on the spot as Mother Superion squeezes her hand one last time before pulling away.

“I’m sorry, Ava. I understand your pain. I really do. But I can’t see a way for people like us—for you—to…” Mother Superion trails off. “There’s no winning, Ava. And the only victory that really matters at this point is defeating evil and Adriel.”

In the quiet of the room and still shocked Warrior Nun, the soft sound of a door opening and closing does not register at all.

 _There’s no winning_ , Ava laments the echo of the words.

* * *

When Mother Superion returns to her office, all she sees is a hastily scribbled note in a messy handwriting that is all too familiar.

_I can’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that seemed a bit rushed. But the next one's already brewing. If I didn't cut if off where it's at, damn thing would never get posted this month. Bear with me and have a little faith, yes?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing ever worth having is easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me. Sometimes these things take on a life of its own. I don't even know who's writing this anymore. I was hoping third chapter would be IT. So, bear with me and I'll try to tie things up in the next one.

> _Hello world I hope you’re listening_
> 
> _Forgive me if I’m young or speaking out of turn_
> 
> _But there’s someone I’ve been missing_
> 
> _I think that they could be the better half of me_

Ava never returned for breakfast.

They lingered in the dining hall until the room eventually emptied out save for the four of them. That’s when they all looked at each other and made their way to Mother Superion’s office. But Ava wasn’t there. They asked Mother Superion who simply looked at them with a strange look on her face before replying that Ava had already left.

While they had split up to better search for Ava all over Cat’s Cradle, Beatrice felt a tendril of panic trying to crawl out of her chest, but she tamped it down, knowing in her heart that Ava can’t—won’t—leave. Something surely must have happened. It’s Camila who eventually reports that she had found Ava.

When they all converged right in front of the church doors, Beatrice couldn’t keep the surprise from showing on her facial expression. Neither could Mary and Lilith. Even Camila looked incredulous when she pointed out Ava’s position, seated right where she sat that morning during mass.

Of course, Beatrice was the first to volunteer to approach Ava, while the rest agreed that they’ll leave the two of them to talk, hoping Ava would open up to Beatrice or at least share what her meeting with Mother Superion was all about.

Beatrice sat quietly beside Ava, waiting for Ava to break the silence.

In the meantime, the young nun’s mind ran over all the possibilities that could be troubling Ava. Did Mother Superion scold Ava? Did she hurt Ava’s feelings? In all honesty, Beatrice couldn’t recall Ava having done anything recently that could have warranted Mother Superion calling her to her office. Well, maybe there was that incident the other day… If so, she should have called _all_ of them to her office. Surely, she wouldn’t single Ava out, right?

“How much do you love your God?”

Ava’s voice made itself known and Beatrice was momentarily startled before the question truly registered. She glanced over at Ava, only to find the younger woman’s focus solely straight ahead.

Though bewildered at the question, Beatrice brings her gaze back forward. “I…don’t know.”

The answer took Ava aback, noticeable in how quick she turned her head to stare at Beatrice, who is now the one whose focus was set on a point somewhere beyond the altar.

Beatrice continued, “I was taught that to love my—our God—meant honoring his commandments and listening to His words. And I did that for most of my life. I did all that and more. I left my parents. I left…a lot of things. But I honestly don’t know if that’s enough. If I’m doing it right—if I’m doing anything right.”

If Beatrice would just look, she would have seen the tear that fell down Ava’s face.

“Our faith is ultimately based on _free will_ but it’s that very thing that often precludes to human’s downfall. We are told what the consequences are if we stray from God’s path, and the promise of what happens if we stay the course. I love Him, Ava. But I don’t know if that’s enough because…”

“I’m not helping, am I?” Ava asked, distracting Beatrice from the rest of what she had to say.

Beatrice finally turned to meet Ava’s sorrow-filled gaze and is moved the by depth of the hurt and fear she saw in the younger woman’s eyes.

“Ava, what’s wrong?” Ava shook her head at Beatrice’s question, broke their gaze once more to focus on the hands on her lap.

For a moment, silence reigned until Ava took a deep breath and spoke.

“It was made known to me that our…friendship…may be an issue to others.” The flat tone of Ava’s delivery was new. So were the words that she dropped.

In the pit of Beatrice’s stomach, the stirrings of panic and fear were beginning to make themselves known. This was becoming all too familiar.

“I don’t want to make things any harder than they already are. I don’t want to be the one to cause you pain.”

Beatrice shook her head. “You are _not_ making things harder, Ava.”

“Am I? The thing is, you think I don’t notice but the other nuns aren’t as welcoming as you have been. Hell, Lilith is more of a welcoming committee than they have been.”

“Why do you suddenly care about what _they_ think? You never have. Never did. Where are all of these things even coming from?” Beatrice was on the verge of a tirade. Something that she’s never really done for a long time. Not when she had supposedly learned her lesson years ago.

“I think we need to set some boundaries between us.”

_What?_

“What does that mean?” Her voice broke towards the end.

“I don’t give a fuck what others think of me, Beatrice. But I won’t let your—our—friendship become something that drags you down and away from everything you worked so hard to achieve.”

Ava quickly stood up and started walking away before Beatrice could even come up with another reply.

“What the _hell_ did Mother Superion tell you?”

It was Beatrice’s use of what was considered profanity that made Ava stop and turn around to acknowledge the nun’s question. Nothing to do with the pain she can see was etched all over her face.

“It’s nothing. You’ll be as good as gold again in no time, _Sister_ Beatrice.”

The emphasis of the word _sister_ was like a rush of cold water being poured all over her being.

_Sister._

That’s what she is, isn’t she?

* * *

It’s been almost a week.

Beatrice hasn’t even been trying to actively avoid Ava, but she can see the other woman doing so.

It hurt every single time.

“Beatrice!” The tinge of panic hits Beatrice’s sense of hearing first before the fist hits her sense of touch, firing off on her pain receptors.

Somewhat dazed, Beatrice lay on her back, taking in the feeling of the midday sun overhead. She closes her eyes briefly and tries to catch her breath.

“Beatrice!” A hand runs over her face and opening her eyes only brings disappointment in noting that it’s Lilith. “Are you okay?” she asks.

Beatrice simply sits back up and with Lilith’s hand, pulls herself back up.

Briefly, she notes the smug look on her opponent’s face. Beatrice doesn’t bother to say anything. She’s been truly distracted lately, and it has been most evident as of late in her form during training, particularly sparring. The other nun is well-known for being a tad too eager in besting everyone. She’s yet to win against Lilith and Beatrice. Beatrice muses that one out of two in said nun’s book wouldn’t exactly be unwelcome.

Beatrice also knows that she had been itching to train against Ava. No doubt thinking she could easily show up the halo bearer in no time.

“Sorry, Sister Beatrice. I thought you would have seen that hit coming. I mean, even a rookie would have.” The tone dripped in insincerity, causing Lilith to turn towards said nun with a glower that made the rest of the onlookers uncomfortable.

Except perhaps said nun who still seemed to be riding the high in knocking down the golden girl of the OCS.

Beatrice holds out a hand to keep Lilith back.

She deserved the hit. She hasn’t been performing as well as she should. In fact, observing some of Ava’s training as of late showed their Warrior Nun’s vast improvement over the fast derailment of Beatrice’s own training. Frankly speaking, if Ava’s whole point of creating distance between them was some misguided notion of helping Beatrice salvage whatever reputation she thinks she has in the OCS, it’s doing the exact opposite.

It only makes Beatrice hate herself more.

She can’t keep things from falling apart, can she?

“I hear the Halo Bearer is getting better. Might be interesting to see how she’d fare against real sparring.”

Lilith bristles at this, “Are you implying that we’re not sufficiently training our champion, Sister Florence?” If Lilith’s earlier glower made the onlookers uncomfortable, the low tone certainly made a few of them walk away.

Even Sister Florence, for a moment, look a bit uncertain until her pride decides to make a comeback.

“Of course not, Sister Lilith. Perhaps taking it a bit easier on her though? I mean, I understand you’re all particularly close.” The last word held obvious emphasis, with Sister Florence shifting her gaze onto Beatrice.

“Sorry. My spidey senses were tingling. You guys talking about me?”

A voice interrupts whatever retort Beatrice has on the tip of her tongue.

Turning around, she sees Ava in her usual jogging outfit. Regulation pants coupled with a tank top that is doing wonders for Beatrice’s attention span. Before her attention could wander any further, Ava waves a hand in greeting towards Lilith and Beatrice’s direction and approaches closer.

“That was impressive, Sister Florence. Hardly anyone can best Sister Beatrice even on her bad day.” The implication is subtle but successfully delivered based on the expansive frown that grows on the previously grinning woman.

“Would you like a chance to spar with me then, Warrior Nun?” The condescension is absolutely dripping from Sister Florence’s tone, even some of her fellow nuns and other onlookers have grown even more uncomfortable. It is one thing to seek to be good or even be the best at a skill in the pursuit of improvement and altruistic cause. But it is another thing entirely to do so purely out of ego, which is becoming more apparent in Sister Florence’s case.

Beatrice has her hands clenched and Lilith is absolutely bristling.

“Ava,” Lilith begins, but it is Mary who interrupts them, having been dragged by Camila from her brooding when the latter realized what was about to happen.

“Let her. At worst, maybe Ava learns a few new things. At best,” Mary turns her gaze with a matching smirk on to the eager nun, “Sister Flo learns a few things from _our_ Warrior Nun over here.” Mary’s own emphasis is clear.

Beatrice can see the flush of awe and near incredulousness on Ava’s face at Mary’s words.

 _Even now, does she doubt her place with us?_ Beatrice can’t help but ask herself this question and can’t help but feel immense sadness at the thought of what it would take for Ava to understand and accept that she’s no longer alone. And never will be again if Beatrice has anything to say about it.

* * *

In no time at all, Beatrice finds herself standing between Mary and Lilith on the sidelines as Ava and Sister Florence prepare in the middle. They can see Ava doing her usual routine of jumping in place and wriggling her hands with a grin while Sister Florence bows (barely) and shifts to fighting stance.

Even Mary looks a bit worried based on the exasperated look she shoots Ava who is now jogging in place for some reason. Beatrice is on the verge of stepping in, except she understands that this is something Ava will have to take on if she wants to have a chance at earning the other nuns’ respect.

“It’s sad that the others feel like Ava has to prove herself despite everything she’s done.” Camila’s miserable tone catches her team’s attention, as well as a few more within hearing range, which serves to better cause them to flinch in shame: a more effective method than Lilith’s fists doing the talking.

“We like to extol about faith and yet have so little of our own,” Lilith does like to dig the knife a little deeper. Camila simply nods, completely unaware of the impact of her words, nor of the response her friend inserted.

A small, but recognizable smug smile forms on Sister Florence’s lips. She will finally be able to prove her own worth. Her opponent doesn’t even know how to properly warm up.

Beatrice suddenly finds one of her hands clasped tightly in Camila’s which she squeezes in return.

Between that moment where Sister Florence shifts her stance from defense to offense, Beatrice happens to move her gaze onto Ava and is stunned by the quick change in the Warrior Nun. She could feel the smile in Lilith’s next words, barely decipherable under her breath, “Atta girl.”

In a split second, Ava’s grin disappears, a small frown belaying her features, and if one would closely observe, her breathing changes as well, and she…relaxes.

When Sister Florence moves, Beatrice already knew what would happen. 

There is no halo light—not even a glow—to insinuate its powers at work, and yet before it could all truly sink in for everyone what it is exactly they all witnessed, Sister Florence is down on the ground, flat on her back, and trying to catch her breath.

It goes exactly as Beatrice predicted because, “And THAT! Was one of the first moves Beatrice ever taught me!” Ava looks like a coiled spring just waiting to jump off and start hopping elsewhere, pumping a fist to the air and a grin on her face. Mary and Camila are grinning. Lilith is trying to hide a smile, which turns into a groan when Ava makes the finger gun pointing pose. “Yeah. Rookie move got you beat!”

Mary rolls her eyes and moves forward to collect Ava. “Okay. Gloating takes away from the glory and honor of winning. Let’s go.”

The rest of the spectators have begun to disperse, leaving the five idling by the sidelines.

“Not too bad, Ava.”

Ava’s eyes widen at Lilith and immediately looks toward the others, “Holy shit. Lilith just paid me a compliment! You guys heard that, right?”

“Language,” Camila, Lilith, and Beatrice speak simultaneously.

Mary chuckles, “Yeah, she did.”

“Don’t get used to it. I just liked the look on Sister Florence’s face. Especially when it was right next to the ground.”

In the background, said nun is being assisted back inside.

Camila sighs, “I should not have enjoyed that either.”

“I ain’t apologizing. That bitch has been gunning for Beatrice for some time now,” Ava insists, crossing her arms with a small pout at the idea of being forced to apologize.

“Language.” This time it’s just Beatrice who mutters the admonishment.

Lilith’s eyebrows arch in curiosity. Even Mary and Camila are intrigued.

“What do you mean?” Mary is the one who asks for clarification.

But Beatrice is the one who responds, “Sister Florence has been eager to rise above the ranks. Let’s just leave it at that.”

Ava frowns and turns toward her. For the first time in a long while, Beatrice notes, Ava actually looks her in the eyes.

“You _knew_?”

Beatrice doesn’t verbally answer, but Ava knows her enough to understand.

Mary, Camila, and Lilith all exchange looks of concern. Something else is brewing and they might be better off elsewhere.

“I need to go clean my guns.”

“I need to do that inventory.”

“I need to…file my nails.”

Ava and Beatrice fail to notice that they are now all alone.

“You knew about Florence and you—what, let her?”

“Let her do what, Ava? She wasn’t doing anything.”

“Other than talk behind your back? Spread rumors about you? Try to turn people against you? Beat you in training? Training where you could have easily handed her ass back to her—what the fuck were you doing allowing her to get a punch in?!”

“I was obviously distracted!”

Beatrice is not the kind to raise her voice, which makes the times for when she does very much memorable.

Ava starts and stops, “Why were you distracted?”

_Like she honestly has no idea._

“You tell me, Ava. You’re the one who decided to create this distance between us.”

“Wait. Are you saying it was my fault?”

Beatrice keeps quiet and takes a deep breath, momentarily closing her eyes. Following this thread of conversation with their emotions on a high cannot end well.

When she opens her eyes, she sees that Ava has begun to walk away.

No. Not again.

The young nun walks fast, grabbing Ava’s arm as Beatrice moves past her, dragging her along despite the other woman’s protests.

Beatrice turns a corner and all but throws Ava against the wall, crowding against her.

“What are you doing?” If Ava sounds nervous, Beatrice decides to ignore it.

“What are _you_ doing?” Beatrice returns the question.

“I don’t understand what you want me to say here, Bea—”

“Oh, it’s ‘Bea’ now? What happened to ‘Sister Beatrice’?” Beatrice is trying to rein in her anger, and Ava can see it in the tense set of her shoulders, not to mention the emotions she can see in her eyes. Emotions that Ava knows Beatrice normally hides so well.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Sister—”

“That’s not how you say my name. That’s not what you call me.” Beatrice cut her off once more. The insistent tone catches Ava off guard.

Beatrice slams a hand against the brick wall on the side of Ava’s head, startling the shorter woman but unable to move away. Even if they both know Ava could easily phase through and run.

“Why are you doing this?” The break in Beatrice’s voice is what does her in.

“I’m just trying to make things better,” Ava insists.

“Better? How is ‘ghosting’ me better?” Any other instance, Ava would tease her for knowing a more modern and popular term. But not now.

“Mother Superion told me,” Beatrice’s eyes widen. She knew it. This all had something to do with that private meeting. “…if those rumors about us kept on and Duretti got wind of it, you could get transferred or worse, kicked out!”

“What rumors?” She has an idea what those rumors are, but better to be certain.

Ava blushes and looks away.

“Ava. What rumors?”

A beat passes before Ava looks at her from under her lashes. “They think there’s more to us than being friends.”

“You mean they think we’re lovers?” The unexpected frank words from the nun takes Ava by surprise.

“I know about it, Ava.” Beatrice scoffs and adds, “You think you’re the first female they associated me with on a romantic context?”

Ava feels like she should be offended, and the thought must be obvious on her face because Beatrice feels the need to immediately follow with “But you… For the first time, I found myself wishing it wasn’t just a rumor.”

Despite the awe Ava finds in Beatrice’s confession, she shakes her head, trying not to even allow herself to imagine the possibilities. “Everything you’ve worked for, Bea… The OCS, everyone looks up to you—”

“Why didn’t you ask _me_ what I thought? What I wanted? What I needed?”

“I’m not worth it!” Ava blurts out.

_And the truth reveals itself._

“I’m not worth giving up all of these for, Beatrice. I have been so lucky to know you, to even have your friendship. I can’t see me here in the OCS without you. I don’t even want to.”

“I told you to trust me. Remember? Trust your team. Trust that _we_ will find a way.”

“Beatrice, please. I don’t know why you are so eager to even—”

“Because of you, Ava!”

It’s a mix between a yell and a whisper, but effect is just as strong as a full-fledged shout, incapacitating Ava.

“Don’t you get it? Can you not see it? That’s what I was trying to tell you days ago before you cut me off and made these decisions for us—for me! The contradictions you’ve brought into my life are the source of my confusion but also the source of my contentment. With or without you, Ava. You end up distracting me, but also inspire me. You annoy me, yet in that annoyance you make me laugh. You make me feel like the person I see in the mirror isn’t so bad because _you_ seem to like who you see when you look at me. For the first time in my life I do not care if others think I am useless because I have you.”

Tears begin to fall down Beatrice’s face. “Or at least I thought I did.”

As if truly tired and weary, the nun leans her forehead against Ava’s and whispers.

“I was just about to love you, Ava. But you took that right away from me.”

> _And right now there's a war between the vanities_
> 
> _But all I see is you and me_
> 
> _The fight for you is all I've ever known_
> 
> _So come home_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penance, when done with the sincerest of hearts, is a wonderful thing to behold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ain't much of an update, but I'm working on it when I can. Also, I suppose I should say goodbye to swearing off multi-chapters beyond 4 because this is obviously not yet done.

In the beginning, there was Ava as a child who was loved and cherished by her mother. She thinks she remembers what it was like to be loved, to be doted on. There is a fleeting sense of warmth when Ava tries to recall memories of her mother, of belonging, of just having _someone_. She is briefly reminded by a vague memory of crying over a fallen piece of candy and her mother soothing her with a smile, a song, and a pack of candies in return.

Ava admits she misses that.

She misses having someone who simply cares about her—not because they have to, but just because they do. She doesn’t want to reminisce any further about the life she left behind in the orphanage, but even her less-than-formally-educated ass can admit it could very well be her reason for trying to cling onto the first person who seemed to genuine like and care about what happens to her and wanted to look after her and protect her. JC was that first person.

True enough, Mary didn’t hold back at all when she all but called Ava’s relationship with JC a farce. It wasn’t. Not entirely. There was something there or JC wouldn’t have even tried. Ava knows that unless proven otherwise, she will always have a soft spot in her heart for JC. He took in a complete stranger and tried to help to the best of his ability, even going so far as to try and run away to an unknown destination without even fully knowing what they were running away from.

The OCS didn’t exactly roll out the red carpet for her during that first attempt at _recruitment_. Lilith’s _dislike_ would have been an understatement. Mother Superion’s words certainly didn’t help either. Mary’s tolerance was another. Camila…she tried, bless her. But floundering in her own position during that time as basically the rookie, there wasn’t a lot in the way she could do for Ava. Nor did she have the time.

And then there was Beatrice.

That first meal experience with the rest of the nuns was memorable, not because of how the rest avoided her the plague, but because of Beatrice.

When the others quickly vacated their seats when Ava approached, she saw that Beatrice remained. A part of her that always begged to push and toe the line wanted to do that very thing. Will she be as scornful as Lilith? As tolerant as Mary? Or helpful enough at least like Camila? Or maybe with her seemingly as _serious_ as Mother Superion, would she be as cutting and unyielding?

But no, Beatrice was—is—a woman all her own.

When Ava saw the expanse of space between the edge of the bench and Beatrice’s position, she crossed that distance and took the one closest to the nun. Beatrice did not appear to mind and remained. She didn’t fidget in discomfort either. Ava would come to realize and appreciate much later just how _still_ Beatrice can be. And when Ava began to poke and prod as she was wont to do, Beatrice gave Ava exactly what she needed then: the truth. With all the finesse Beatrice must have inherited from her parents, she gave Ava the words without much of the painful slap of honesty.

When the time came down between fight or flight and Ava finally accepted the responsibilities thrust upon her by a second chance at life, she found out what it was like to have friends. People. Real people who she could be with. Though there are nights where Ava still have doubts that plague her worth and value to these women, she simply reminds herself of Beatrice and her promise. She won’t ever have to be alone again, she said.

Putting her faith in a supreme being is still a work in progress, but Ava can put her faith in these people she found. Some days, Mary looks at her like she’s the little sister she never wanted and then most days she would look after her precisely as the sibling she didn’t know she needed. Camila will likely be her anonymous partner in crime. Sometimes, Camila’s level of quiet mischief scares even Ava. And Lilith? It’s fun going up against Lilith. Someday Ava would dare call their thing a bromance to Lilith’s face. 

Ava supposes she should have remembered to trust in Beatrice.

In her defense, all she could think of when she fled Mother Superion’s office that day was _flight_. She had to be someplace else. To be fair, Ava was by the gates when she remembered what leaving would entail. She imagined the disappointment on her friends’ faces. Ava gave zero fucks about the other nuns and how they might take pleasure in being proven right about her being a loser and liability and being unworthy of the halo. She does that well enough for herself, thanks. No. What she can’t stand is having Mary, Lilith, Camila, and Beatrice being ridiculed for putting their faith _in her_.

When Ava took her first steps back into the building, she barely remembers understanding what she needed to do. The only voice that rang clearly was that which resembled Mother Superion’s, telling Ava she had to protect Beatrice. Beatrice did not deserve to be doubted by anyone, and certainly did not deserve to have her reputation besmirched with the likes of Ava. She’s not worth it. She won’t even get into Mother Superion’s confession and how Ava had tried to do her own research on that matter.

Because the bottom line of this whole mess is the fact that Ava forgot to trust Beatrice. She forgot to be truly honest and have faith in the nun, to have faith in whatever it is that they have. _Had?_

_I was just about to love you._

* * *

Ava opens her eyes, unaware she had closed them in the first place, and observes the face that has been haunting her these past few days. She sees the slightest hint of tears around Beatrice’s lashes, the hint of freckles that dot the space along the bridge of her nose and close to her cheeks. Before Ava is even fully conscious of her actions, a hand reaches up to skim those freckles with the slightest and gentlest of touch of her forefinger.

The Warrior Nun sighs in relief when she notes that her action does not cause Beatrice to pull away, thus bolstering Ava’s confidence in slowly placing her hand against Beatrice’s cheek. She revels in feeling the warmth and nearly recoils upon recognizing vague traces of moisture that tell Ava of tears likely spent without her notice. Evidence of pain _she_ caused the nun to lose control of her tight rein on her emotions.

Ava feels the need to apologize and can feel the words fighting not to burst this moment of quiet they find themselves in. Instead, Ava inhales sharply, the sound nearly shattering the stillness, when Beatrice nuzzles Ava’s palm with the barest of touches—with her lips.

“Beatrice.”

Uttering her name seems to be the only thing that prompts the taller woman to open her eyes.

“Tell me that everything was my imagination. Tell me that we never had a chance.” Beatrice’s lips are so close to Ava’s own that she could feel the breath of her whispered words, smell and taste the hint of berries that are telling of the nun’s favorite tea. Her brand of comfort drink when she’s tired or stressed. It only serves to remind Ava of her being the likely cause of Beatrice’s pain and discomfort.

This observation nearly costs her Beatrice to begin to pull back, with time having elapsed between the near question and Ava’s lack of response.

With her other hand, Ava suddenly finds herself grabbing onto that scrap of cloth by Beatrice’s waist and pulling the nun closer, the movement startling the latter into a near stumble that pushes her weight against the halo bearer.

In that act, Beatrice’s own sharp exhale is betrayed by her instinct to somehow push even closer, even further, until she all but has Ava pinned against the wall. She barely recognizes having her hands suddenly wrapped around the younger woman’s waist.

“If everything was simply imagined, it shouldn’t have hurt this much. Keeping my distance shouldn’t have been so damn hard.” Ava’s words sound breathless, her own lips skimming the skin right next to Beatrice’s own.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Beatrice. Forgive me.” Ava’s pleas repeat again and again as she finds herself enjoying the sensation of allowing her lips to explore the softness of Beatrice’s cheeks, as if trying to erase all memories of tear tracks. Hoping to alleviate her own guilt and the feeling of being unworthy of Beatrice’s sorrow.

When Ava’s lips find themselves hovering near the corner of Beatrice’s mouth, she nearly wonders if she’s imagining things when the taller woman opens her eyes, seeking her gaze right before imperceptibly moving her head and consequently her lips to graze Ava’s.

“Sister Beatrice.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning of the end?

“Sister Beatrice.”

The sound nearly causes both to spring apart, except Ava’s hold is firm. She won’t make the same mistake of letting Beatrice go. Not again.

They turn at the same time to look towards the direction where the sound came from before Beatrice softly clears her throat and makes a motion of moving first. The question is in Ava’s eyes and Beatrice’s crinkle along with that smile she does when she’s genuinely happy. Ava’s own light up in the knowledge that apparently, _she_ makes the nun happy.

One swift squeeze of Ava’s hands and Beatrice moves away towards the corner in a stealthy manner.

 _At least whoever they are doesn’t sound like Mother Superion,_ Beatrice thinks.

She can feel a level of heated anger simmering just beneath the surface at the reminder of said woman, at the thought that Mother Superion may have intentionally tried to drive a wedge between her and Ava. Heat threatens to crawl towards burning flame as Beatrice considers the possibilities of what if the older woman intended to do more than just keep them apart.

Beatrice pauses for a heartbeat right before she rounds the corner, reminding herself to set everything aside. She can ponder on her next move later. She needs to focus on whoever is calling for her and ensure they do not suspect anything _else_ between her and Ava. Not yet.

The sister warrior can only imagine what it must look like, emerging from the shrubbery while trying to maintain some semblance of control, as if there was a purpose for her being there.

_It’s not an entire lie though, is it? You went out there with a purpose._

Catching sight of a fellow nun walking away, Beatrice softly clears her throat. The other woman turns around with a bemused look but trying to tame it with a small smile.

“Sister Beatrice. Sister Camila mentioned you might still be out here.”

“Was there something you needed, Sister Violet?” The other woman seemed to be searching for something behind Beatrice, and for a beat she worried about raising more questions if Ava makes herself known.

“Um, Sister Camila mentioned the Warrior Nun—Ava—might also be with you?”

Unbidden, a frown transforms Beatrice’s features, questioning the other’s motive behind the query. Understanding the suspicion that she has stirred in her fellow nun, Sister Violet subtly lowers her head in deference, “Mother Superion has asked for your presence, including Ava if you can find her.”

She immediately spins the other way to leave, but startles to find the Warrior Nun two steps before her.

“What’s up?” Ava asks in a cavalier manner. In reply, Sister Violet simply throws a quick look behind her towards Beatrice before quickly departing.

“She looked to be in a hurry.” Ava quips while rocking on the balls of her feet. She grins over at Beatrice until she notes the perturbed and fairly distant look.

“What’s wrong?” Ava closes the distance between them, suddenly oblivious to the fact that just a few days ago, the idea of being alone with the nun—let alone this close to her—would have been unthinkable lest someone sees them.

The taller woman reaches out to wrap her fingers around Ava’s wrist. “I have to go change.”

Ava chuckles, “I _know_ you must be itching to change outfits from training since you can be a bit meticulous about that,” she makes a point of looking at the nun from head to toe, taking in the gi and how the v-shaped gape in the middle kinda does it for her. “But I don’t think that’s cause enough to look so worried. Unless, of course, you really _are_ uncomfortable and here I am making fun of you,” Ava suddenly backpedals.

The nun shakes her head, “Mother Superion is asking for both of us.” Her tone is low and tinged with worry, which is something that instantly registers with the Halo Bearer. The tension that transforms Ava’s bearing is apparent to Beatrice, causing her grip on the Warrior Nun to tighten. “Ava.”

As if trying to clear the thoughts in her head, Ava sighs and shakes her head, offering a tremulous smile at Beatrice. “I guess we have to go.” Ava tries to take her wrist back but is held back by Beatrice’s firm grasp.

“Bea?”

“You haven’t told me what you and Mother Superion talked about that day.”

“I don’t…uh…” Ava’s nose wrinkles in a fit of slight irritation, “…I don’t think now’s a good time.”

Beatrice tugs at Ava’s wrist, catching the other in surprise, nearly stumbling just a little too close towards the nun. Trying to catch herself from falling closer any further, Ava ends up placing her free hand right against the other’s sternum to break her momentum. Blushing at the realization of where her hand almost landed, Ava straightaway tries to pull said limb away while fighting not to blush.

Except Beatrice’s quick reflexes catches said hand with her other, pulling slowly until she places Ava’s open palm back on her chest, right over her heart.

“No more running, Ava.” The unspoken _please_ hanging between them.

Ava finds herself ultimately unable to look away, not when Beatrice looks at her so intensely, as if trying to draw an oath, a promise, from Ava without saying word. Beatrice is taken aback at the sudden shine in Ava’s eyes that speak of tears threatening to fall.

_She trusts me to stay. I can’t fuck this up. God, if you’re really there…don’t let me fuck this up. Don’t make me hurt, Beatrice. Please._

“Ava…?” The sound of her name is uttered with a lilt at the end, betraying confusion, and fear of hurt that Ava may inflict upon the nun. Unless she starts talking.

Except, “Okay” is all that Ava responds with.

Before Beatrice can even follow up with a query on what nearly made Ava cry, the halo bearer moves to turn away and simply says “Let’s go see Mother Superion.”

* * *

The atmosphere in the office is stifling in its silence when both women enter and the older woman bids both to take a seat. Much like the last time Ava was summoned, Mother Superion gets straight to the point. “There were talks about what happened earlier during training.”

Ava frowns and opens her mouth to speak in protest, but the older woman forestalls her efforts by holding up her hand and simply stating “Ava, I thought you _understood_.” The emphasis was clear.

Beatrice takes note of Ava’s fists clenching tightly upon her lap. Without even really giving it any further thought, the young nun stands up and approaches Ava. Stopping to stand right beside the younger woman, Beatrice extends a hand to take one of Ava’s fists, taking pleasure in seeing the halo bearer’s hand open instinctively in response to her touch. With a barely perceptible smile she tries to tamp down, Beatrice intertwines her fingers through Ava’s. The act prompts the other to look upwards and meet her gaze where the concern is unspoken, and Ava offers a small smile in assurance that she’s okay.

Beatrice shifts her gaze towards her superior, choosing to remain standing right beside the seated younger woman, holding hands. To be fair, the older woman’s expression is unreadable compared to the look of disapproval that Beatrice had come to expect.

“Sister Beatrice,” the stress on _sister_ is unmistakable and Beatrice calls upon her training to refrain from wincing as a reaction, smarting at the subtle reprimand hidden beneath her title. “…Ava has explained to you the situation you find yourself precariously immersed in?”

Keeping her face expressionless, the other nun offers a slight nod and responds, “She has” just as she also squeezes Ava’s hand in a move that warns the halo bearer not to speak.

“However, if I may speak freely?” The older woman’s nod is slow and the look in her eyes is calculating, but it’s enough for Beatrice to proceed.

“We know this isn’t the first time that rumors about me–or anyone else for that matter–have circulated around Cat’s Cradle. Yet, somehow, I’m the only suddenly being singled out for this supposed transgression. A transgression that, in all honesty, I did not commit.” _Not yet at least_ , a voice inside her insists. _And yet, technically the truth_.

“Frankly speaking, Mother Superion, I believe I have performed and carried out _all_ of my duties and responsibilities to the best of my abilities. Surely, these rumors do not negate all of the things I’ve contributed to the order?”

“Your competence was never in question, Sister Beatrice. Nor your value or worth.” The last three words catch her by surprise, and she knows the older woman had seen her slip.

“You know that our order stands on shaky ground at the moment. You aren’t being singled out, Sister Beatrice. It is simply unfortunate that such rumors are driven by the unconscious habits you seem to have formed with the Halo Bearer.”

“What habits? Hanging out with her? Sharing meals together? Sparring? That’s pretty much what I do with the rest of the sisters. What, am I somehow hooking up with them too?” Ava obviously couldn’t stay quiet any longer.

Beatrice squeezes Ava’s hand just a little bit tighter but maintains her gaze upon the woman whose decision may just spell out her future.

Mother Superion sends Ava a look before redirecting her gaze back at her protégé.

“Ava has a point. It’s not her that has displayed uncharacteristic behavior.”

 _There it is_ , Beatrice thinks. She’s the one who has strayed from the norm. The one who has spent years perfecting the visage of someone who is approachable but at the same time someone who is impenetrable, untouchable. Rarely the first to instigate a touch, and on the odd chance mostly to provide a detached sort of comfort. It is as if there is a purpose for each and every act she makes. Except when it comes to Ava it seems. Even at a distance, Beatrice’s ready smile for the Warrior Nun unmistakable.

Once again, Beatrice’s deviation from the norm— _her_ supposed norm—will bring her trouble.

“Any slip, anything amiss, or _considered_ wrong on our part shall be magnified and placed under utmost scrutiny by the Vatican.” Mother Superion declares with a hint of finality. Stressing the word “considered” brings home the point that appearances are of utmost importance during these times.

No one wants to revisit the incident at the Vatican, and all three know that despite the “good” they did in trying to save people during that day, the fact was a non-angel had been released from his prison, the _cost_ of structural damage inflicted upon holy ground was very much substantial, and not to forget, the actual damage done to innocent bystanders taken in by the wraith were nearly impossible to quell after that day. No. No one wants to rehash said incident.

So, despite Beatrice’s wish to go through all of the points Mother Superion just raised, Beatrice pushes forward with a different purpose. “I have drawn my letter expressing my intent to revoke my vows, Mother Superion.”

* * *

Ava’s head snaps towards Beatrice’s direction so fast she thinks she might have heard a cracking sound, but figures either the halo can heal her or suck it. She must have heard Beatrice wrong, right?

_Plus, what was that she said about finding a way? Is THIS part of her solution? And weren’t they supposed to talk about this first before anyone starts writing goddamn resignation letters and shit?_

“Beatrice…?” Ava attempts to ask, but is pointedly ignored by said woman, solely focusing on her superior: the woman who stands as her mentor and trainer from that first day she joined the OCS.

Mother Superion’s lips thin dangerously, sole evidence of her displeasure at the younger nun’s words.

“Sister Beatrice, may I remind you that breaking your vows means leaving the order. You’ll be leaving Cat’s Cradle.”

She moves to shift her gaze towards Ava, the words quiet but clear: _you’ll leave her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part's mostly done. I think. I just can't seem to ever be happy about these things. Also, I keep forgetting to write disclaimers that I have no one proofreading my work so I'm afraid all messes and fuck ups are mine. I just hope the errors don't detract from the story.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words are said. Lots of words. A few revelations for some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn. Pardon, but I'm afraid this is mostly going to contain even more dialogue.

“Mary isn’t part of the order and she’s still here.”

Ava’s eyes widen. _I knew I was forgetting something._

“Mary joined the OCS as a civilian. A consultant, you could say. You joined the order as a nun. Also, don’t think that I haven’t had to argue on Mary’s behalf for her to continue here as she does. Surely, we remember under whose ‘backing’ Mary was introduced here to begin with.”

 _Shit. Father Vincent. Okay. That’s news too_.

“And frankly speaking, certain people in authority feel that Mary is at least willing to toe the line—if not cross it—to get the job done.”

“Oh, you mean Mary’s handy because she is willing to get her hands dirty when we can’t afford to do it ourselves.” Beatrice’s tone is bordering on insubordination. They both know it.

“Mary has her purpose.”

“So do I.”

“You’re not indispensable, Sister Beatrice.”

“Perhaps. But we both know I’m good at what I do. We both know what I’m capable of. My fighting skills alone are barely rivaled by anyone save Sister Lilith. More importantly, Sister Warriors are tasked to protect the Halo Bearer—and _no one_ else will protect her better than I can. _No one_ will fight for her harder than I ever would.”

“And when the time comes to choose between the mission and Ava, will you be able to make that choice? Will you be able to choose the greater good over her?” Mother Superion’s voice is clear and firm, anticipating that the nun will be unable to answer.

And perhaps, _THIS_ is the true crux of the matter.

Beatrice looks down, finding her gaze moving unerringly to meet Ava’s. Their hands clasp each other’s tighter. “If it comes down to the greater good…between the world and Ava…I can do it.”

Ava knows she really would. And she respects the fuck out of her for that knowledge alone. Whatever Beatrice sees in Ava’s eyes seem to strengthen something within Beatrice. It’s enough to redirect her gaze back towards her superior, unflinching as she continues, “It will take everything I have, but I know Ava wouldn’t let me choose otherwise. If our roles were reversed, I would expect Ava to do the same.”

Hearing that last sentence, Ava stiffens. Beatrice apologizes inwardly for it needed to be said, whether the Halo Bearer was ready to hear it or not.

There’s a beat of silence, the older woman leaning back against her chair, observing, and looking for something that the younger woman is unaware of. But she keeps still and keeps her eyes trained on the older woman’s.

Before Ava’s natural penchant for fidgeting and dislike for _dead air_ disrupts them, Mother Superion speaks up. Her next words finally succeed in breaking Beatrice’s composure.

“Did Ava tell you of the possibility of the halo rejecting her should she continue down this... _path_?”

* * *

The gasp is unmistakable, and Ava thinks it sounds harsh against the quiet of the room. True enough, Beatrice immediately turns to face her, the question obvious, loud, and summarized in one word: “Ava?”

Ava throws the woman across from them a glare, but of course the older woman is unfazed.

“Ava, what is she saying?”

With a huff, Ava stands up just so that she can avoid having to keep looking up at Beatrice. She has a feeling this could take a while.

“Setting aside someone else’s _secrets_ for now,” she throws another baleful look at Mother Superion, “She thinks you and I possibly getting involved—which the church is obviously dead set against blah blah blah—could cause the halo to reject me. Y’know. Being God’s artefact and all apparently.”

Beatrice pales at this knowledge, withdrawing her hand and taking a step back.

Ava hurries to reassure her, “Before you get any idea, I’m pretty sure it’s _not_ going to happen so, Warrior Nun represent!” She pumps her fist into the air in exaggerated glee.

“Losing the halo means you could die, Ava! You were worried about MY reputation and somehow totally just skipped over the other _more important_ matter of you possibly losing your life?!”

_Oh. Right._

“Oh. Uh. Would you believe me if I told you I kinda forgot about that part?”

“How could you FORGET that crucial piece of information?!”

“Okay. First off, raised voice, please try and not get _too_ mad, yeah? Second, I mean it when I say it totally slipped my mind.”

“How can you be so cavalier about your life? You…we…” Suddenly remembering what nearly happened earlier causes Beatrice to blush and just as quickly lose the red along with a few more shades of color, stepping a bit further away from Ava. As if the distance could erase the fact of what almost was.

But Ava won’t let her go. She grabs Beatrice’s hand back in hers, anger be damned.

“You let me—dammit, you could have died!”

Ava shakes her head furiously as she tugs at Beatrice’s hand in an imploring manner, “No! Wait, see that’s just it! I did my research—and you know how that is so much fun—but I did it because I wanted to…you know, be sure.”

“Be sure about what? The halo? That it won’t reject you for what we—did you even find the answer you were looking for?” The young nun has a lot of questions, but foremost within her is the fear and wonder if it was too late, while running at the back of her mind is Beatrice the consummate planner already trying to plot ways of what needs to be done just in case.

The snide voice inside, however, is quite insistent that she’s bound to lose like she always does. _You can’t ever be truly happy. You can’t have her. And if you try, you’ll lose her permanently._

“Kinda? I mean, it’s not a 100%—"

“So, you DID gamble with your life.”

Ava finally puts her foot down—stomps, really—done with trying to appease the panicking woman in front of her and done with trying not to check if the older woman looks the slightest bit smug at this near argument happening in her presence.

“You’re worth the gamble, Beatrice! Don’t you get it? This isn’t about how cavalier you think I’m being about my life. This is me taking a gamble because I am CERTAIN that this thing between us? It’s NOT wrong. It can’t be. It ISN’T. Period!”

It’s not unheard of for Ava to speak so passionately about something like food, movies, or her dislike of early morning wake up calls. But to deliver those very words about her, about them, in the same manner? Beatrice is in awe.

In all honesty, with how much time and effort she had noticed Ava put into avoiding her, and how much Beatrice tried so hard to reach out in return, a part of the nun wondered if what she felt for Ava was so much stronger than what the younger woman felt—or could ever feel—for her. However, that thought wasn’t nearly enough to deter Beatrice. She’ll take whatever chance she might have with the Warrior Nun.

Except hearing what Ava just said and how she said it—the pleasure she feels deep within her heart is undeniable. She had hoped and prayed, certainly. But to hear Ava say it and believe it means more than any other words can truly express.

“You sound like you feel strongly about the matter.” Mother Superion comments, momentarily distracting the two women’s focus off each other.

“Yes. Well. I feel strongly about her,” Ava shrugs so casually, like she didn’t just shake Beatrice’s world in a single afternoon.

The Warrior Nun moves even closer towards her before turning to face Mother Superion, as if trying to enforce the image that they are a united front. But Beatrice can’t take her eyes off her just yet.

“Mother Superion, with all due respect, I don’t think it was loving a woman that caused the halo to reject you. Sister Melanie was gay. And whether she acted upon her attraction for the same sex or not, don’t you think the fact she went on to become one of the greatest Warrior Nuns mean something?”

 _Okay, that’s news_ , Beatrice thinks, unable to refrain from transferring her gaze onto the older woman.

The sound of said woman’s cane hitting the floor is loud, “Oh you _love_ Sister Beatrice, do you? And what, yours is somehow greater than what I had? Do you even know what love is, _child_?” The sneer is obvious, and Ava tries to keep in mind that the woman may simply be lashing out.

“Yes? No! I mean…” Somehow in the midst of all their discussion, Ava had withdrawn her hand from the younger nun and is now pacing back and forth while gesticulating wildly with her hands. “Do you know what Beatrice told me earlier? She said she was about to love me. _Was about to_ —at least until I screwed things up.” Ava pauses to run her hands in frustration to try and push back wisps of her hair that had fallen out of her ponytail.

Beatrice can’t help herself and reaches out to brush the stray hairs away from Ava’s face, basking in the smile the act elicits from the younger woman. Then, she takes one of Ava’s hands back in hers, tucking their joined hands against her chest, her soft smile bolstering Ava’s confidence to proceed with a much firmer voice. She feels sorry for Mother Superion, she really does. But she won’t let her undermine what she feels, what _they_ both feel, and definitely not what future they could have just because the older woman thinks they could actually be _too young_ to even think it.

“We’re not naïve to think we live in a fairytale. Certainly not in a world where we wake up each day wondering if it could be our last. I’m in the middle of falling for Beatrice, Mother Superion. And I love it!” Ava’s free hand is gesticulating wildly once more, another testament to the halo bearer’s true feelings on the matter. “I have absolutely NO idea what’s waiting for me when I hit the ground, but I am LIVING for this free fall I’ve been in since I met her. She’s worth it. I know it! She makes me want to be better. She makes me want to be the best version of myself. And you KNOW Beatrice has been good to me—for me.”

The sister warrior decides to interject before she does something she shouldn’t in light of Ava’s declaration. _At least not yet_. “Mother Superion, I _have_ been reconsidering my vows. I have the utmost respect for you, for the Church, but most of all for God. I will not taint that respect by going on like _this_ and while under oath.”

“Bea…” The uncertainty is still apparent in Ava’s calling of her name.

“Ava, what did I tell you about how not everything is about you?” Her tone is slightly teasing, which lessens the sting and the possible doubt incurred by the nun’s words.

“Fine.” Ava’s tone is resigned, but the look in her eyes is anything but.

“Mother Superion, I would like to clarify one thing: I wish to break my vows mostly for myself. I’ve realized that the fact that I can feel like this for someone, it must mean something. That perhaps I shouldn’t be a nun. I…I like it. I like how it feels and I like that these feelings are for Ava. I don’t think I would be here for anyone but her.” She turns to look said object of her affections in the eye, “I didn’t think there was anything else for me—or anyone, really. No one to understand. No one to accept me as I am. Except for God. And I know He still does; I can feel that from the bottom of my heart. And I will not turn away the gift He’s granted me by bringing Ava into my life. I didn’t think I would ever want or be able to accept the mere idea of living my life with someone. Yet, here I am. Here we are.”

“Do you both think I didn’t feel the same? You don’t think I loved her with the same intensity? The same longing?” Both are somewhat thrown by the sudden questions aimed at them, with Ava and Beatrice caught up in each other’s words and declarations that have also served as revelations. All in one afternoon.

Again, Ava surprises Beatrice by taking the initiative in responding, “I’m sure you did, Mother Superion. Please know that we’re not discounting that. It’s just…I don’t think the Halo rejected _you_.”

The older woman can no longer keep the look of surprise from her face. Nor can she refrain from looking with doubt. “What do you mean?”

“I think…it was _you_ who rejected the halo.”

* * *

The anger is quick to flit through Mother Superion’s face, “That’s preposterous, Ava how—"

Ava cuts her off straightaway, “I know I shouldn’t have tried to look it up, but—I don’t think what happened was because you loved a woman, Mother Superion. Because what happened was you fell for a married woman who wanted to leave her husband—for you. Except he found out, and when he did, in his anger he accidentally killed her. You never forgave yourself for it, didn’t you? You blamed yourself, and in extension, the halo. How could I even begin to disregard what you went through when the thought alone of losing Beatrice already tears me up inside? And to go through what you did? No, Mother Superion, I would be the last person to undermine what you had to have gone through.” Briefly, Ava recalls Beatrice’s earlier words of expecting Ava to choose to save the world over her. To lose Beatrice is not a possibility she can bring up to discuss. _Perhaps much later. Hopefully never._ “What you must have gone through… I didn’t understand it at first, y’know.”

Ava suddenly goes quiet, causing Beatrice to gently nudge her back into the present.

“What’s wrong?”

Ava switches her gaze between the two other women.

“I…I think I understand after all, Mother Superion.”

“What are you saying? Has the halo—” Beatrice starts worriedly but is stopped by a quick shake of the head from Ava.

“When I started pulling away, trying to forget you or get over you or whatever…I felt the difference. Before, whenever I would see you, there’s this warmth just simmering inside me. It felt nice. There were times I thought I could feel you before I’d even see you. And when you would stand close or just smile at me, I’d feel this gentle hum stirring within me. I think it was coming from the halo. But then…when we were apart…it…it began to hurt.” The last few words are whispered in fear of Beatrice’s possible reaction.

“What?!” _Yeah, there she goes_.

Ava hurries to reassure her by continuing, “It wasn’t any major sort of pain. But it certainly wasn’t as pleasant as it used to be. There were times when I would think of you and it almost felt like _before_. But then I’d remember what I thought I needed to do and that’s when it started to lose that warmth. And now that I think about it…I began to hate myself. I began to detest the halo. I found myself wishing how we could have just met under different circumstances. Where we could be just us. That maybe we’d be better off if we could just run away and live without all of these.”

“Ava…you could have died?” The question is a repeat, but the horror at what could have been is even greater.

“To be fair, that thought is just like a recent discovery. I mean, totally recent. Like just a few moments ago. While I’m explaining.”

“Ava, did you just hear yourself? You could have died and for what?!? My reputation??”

“Okay, before you get mad, think about what info I had to work with. The first assumption was being with you could make me lose the halo—and then maybe die. The second—and very, _very_ recent—assumption is being without you could have made me lose the halo—and then maybe die. Sounds like a hell of a win-win situation given what I barely knew. And also! Don’t kid yourself, Bea. That reputation is part of what makes you _you_. It keeps you grounded. Makes you happy.”

“You idiot! YOU make me happy. What am I supposed to do with this goddamn reputation you keep bringing up if you’re gone?!”

“Language!” Ava turns to the suddenly quiet Mother Superion, “Wait, you’re not telling her off for saying that? I can’t even say the word ‘butt’ around these parts in peace!”

“Focus, Ava!”

“I’m TRYING to, but you and your raised voice isn’t really helping here!”

Ava makes a move to withdraw her hand from the nun, but instead Beatrice draws the younger woman into her arms. Ava thinks she hears Beatrice sniffling tears as the taller woman tucks her face against the space between the shorter woman’s shoulder and her neck. “I could have lost you. I could have lost you and for what?”

“Well, I’m here. Thank God you decided to yank me out of my stupidity huh?” Beatrice pulls away and Ava notices the sheen of tears. She reaches up with both hands to wipe the nun’s cheeks of any evidence of her sorrow. Beatrice chuckles, “I think that’s my job. Make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m sorry.” Mother Superion’s voice jars both back into the present, Beatrice flushing at the realization that they were far from alone at that moment.

“What are you apologizing for?” Ava asks with an honest look of confusion. Beatrice thinks it’s adorable. Anyone might have jumped and been quick to assume that their superior had meant to do all of these for some other nefarious purpose.

But then again, it’s what Ava likes to do constantly: surprise them. Some days, Beatrice wonders how Ava emerged from her experiences all these years and still be capable of being filled with a sense of wonder at the world and faith in its people. Her love might not believe in a universal omnipotent being, but deep down she had a far bigger capacity to believe in people than most who come clothed in faith do.

“I just wanted to keep everyone safe. To keep the order safe.” Mother Superion’s words are succinct and delivered in a tremulous manner.

Beatrice wishes to be able to say something, anything, but before she could even say a word, the older woman waves her hand dismissively. “I would like to be alone for now. You may leave.”

In all honesty, Beatrice wants to stay and argue what this meeting means. Are they _safe_? Does this mean she can stay? Can she and Ava continue as before? However, the older nun’s lost look as she stared at something beyond the windows indicated this wouldn’t be a good time. Certainly not if they wanted to keep Mother Superion firmly on their side.

Sparing a look at each other, Beatrice and Ava walk out of the room in silent agreement.

Walking side by side along the empty corridor, Ava voices the foremost question on both of their minds.

"What now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this an OK stopping point? LOL Hope you guys are still hanging around even if this story has taken on a weird life of its own. This was supposed to be a one shot! Jeez.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next isn't as clear-cut. Not just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More dialogue. I'm so sorry. One more chapter, likely the epilogue. And then we're done.

They are walking along the open hallways side by side, late afternoon sun making itself known across between pillars as it spilled on stone floors. They walk close enough for their arms and shoulders to brush against the other occasionally. It is Ava who breaks the silence.

“What now?”

Beatrice sighs and clasps her hands behind her back. “I’ll see what my options are with the order in case I’m no longer a nun.”

Ava bites her lip worriedly, “But what if those options…” She trails off, unable to complete her thought.

Beatrice turns her head to look at Ava, tilting her head slightly to the side and giving her a half smile. “I’ll find a way. _We’ll_ find a way. If I have to move to the nearest apartment around here so I could still be close to you, so be it.”

“Really? Just like that?” Ava looks at her…someone, in disbelief. _Are we girlfriends? More than friends?_

“We’re not even sure of anything Ava. For all we know, I could be allowed to end up like Mary, still living here, still bound by most of the order’s rules.”

“Most?”

Beatrice shrugs and Ava feels an unrelenting urge to _squish_ Beatrice’s cheeks when she replies by simply repeating the word, “ _Most_.” Along with a shy grin.

Well, Ava does just that.

The Warrior Nun’s hands reach for the Sister Warrior’s cheeks, pinching both and then as if smooshing the taller woman’s face while squealing how cute Beatrice is. After a few seconds of letting Ava have her fun, Beatrice pulls away with reddened cheeks. “Okay, I got the point, Ava.” She tries to massage feeling back onto the abused flesh while looking self-conscious at the way Ava looks at her right then.

“Did you though? Because you really are soooo cute.” The nun observes with a degree of nervousness at how Ava seems to be bouncing on the spot. Whether the younger woman has plans to go for her cheeks again, she doesn’t know. Nonetheless, Beatrice finds herself with her palms against her face, waiting for Ava to settle down somewhat before feeling secure enough to put her hands back at her side.

The nun is quite flustered and attempts to rearrange and fidget with her wimple, even if there is not a single hair out of place.

“Do you…” Ava suddenly stops, causing the nun to stop mid-stride, moving to look at the halo bearer behind her. “What’s our worst-case scenario?”

A beat of sudden tense silence passes. Beatrice resumes walking with Ava automatically following, and before she can answer, Ava observes Beatrice clasping her hands behind her back. Something she knows the other woman tends to do when trying to control herself or her reactions.

“The only worst-case scenario I am willing to think of is not being able to see you often enough because you’ll always be away on some mission or another.”

“You make it sound like there’s another worst-case scenario you just DON’T want to consider.”

Beatrice inhales sharply, as if already seeing in her mind’s eye the very scenario. “You dying.” She stops once more to fully face Ava. “You dying and I’m not there beside you to protect you—to even try. In either scenario, I want you to promise me, Ava: promise me you’ll stay alive. Stay alive until Adriel is gone, until you get to be the LAST and LIVING Warrior Nun. Promise me you’ll fight to stay alive and I promise I will wait for you for as long as I have to.”

“Like one of those soldier’s wives just waiting at home…” Ava’s voice is teasing, always deflecting with humor when caught unaware with too much emotion.

“Surely you know me better than that.” Beatrice arches an eyebrow. Ava laughs out loud.

Beatrice starts walking once more, urging the other to follow quickly.

“Hey, Bea?”

“Yes, Ava?” The smile is obvious in Beatrice’s tone, all-too used to Ava’s quirks and fondly wondering _what now_.

“Could you really see yourself waiting? For me?” Ava’s tone sounds nonchalant though both know it’s far from it.

“Do you doubt?”

“Well faith _is_ more of your business.” Ava teases.

Beatrice allows a grin to flit past her lips, but continues to stare straight ahead, feeling the weight of the other woman’s gaze upon her. “I feel like I should be offended by your question.” Before Ava can interject to defend herself and clarify, Beatrice shoots her a look that assuages Ava’s concerns.

“But I understand where you might be coming from. It’s probably the same place where Mother Superion thought she had gathered her well-meaning intentions from.”

Ava cocks her head to the side, “And that is?”

“We’re young. There’s no getting past that. People usually take years to fall in and out of love. Sometimes they don’t even find what they’re looking for at all throughout their lifetime. Let’s also not forget that you’re younger than I am. Add to that the years you’ve missed,” Beatrice looks apologetically at Ava, but the latter simply shrugs and bids her to continue.

“There’s so much you’ve yet to do, to accomplish—”

“You make it sound like you’re way older than I am.”

Beatrice acknowledges Ava’s statement with a nod, “True. But you’re aware that my history before becoming a nun, in addition to all the things I’ve done since joining the order, there’s a significant difference between our life experiences that begs acknowledgment.”

The nun chances a look at Ava and notices the worry and fear on her face. Beatrice immediately stops, a gentle hand on Ava’s shoulder prompting her to do the same.

“Make no mistake, Ava. Just because I’ve been to places and done things do not mean I don’t intend to do it again. Or maybe do things more properly—with you. I’ve been to numerous places, yet I’ve never had the time to properly soak in all the sights. One day, I want to be able to travel with you, like proper tourists. I don’t care whether I’ve been there or not. And I’ve never been on a proper road trip that didn’t involve tons of ammunitions hiding in the back instead of just regular backpacks with our meager belongings within. There’s so much to do in this life, Ava. And I want all of that with you.”

Once the light in Ava’s eyes shine just as bright as when Beatrice first told her she enjoyed spending time together, Beatrice allows herself to pursue her original train of thought. She leans against one of the pillars, taking her time to gaze upon Ava, finally confident in this moment that her attention is welcome and that her _interest_ need not be hidden. Discrete at times perhaps, but never to be left in the dark. Not anymore.

“Despite Mother Superion’s reservations—including our own initial concerns—I have faith in us, Ava. I have faith because…I may have decided to resign from being a nun _for me_ , but I would never have found the courage to even consider making that decision if not for you.” Beatrice pauses, swinging her gaze towards the ground. Ava remains silent, feeling that there’s something else Beatrice needs to say.

The nun takes a sharp breath before redirecting her eyes to stare into Ava’s, the latter nearly staggering under the weight of the former’s regard.

Ava thinks this might take some getting used to: being allowed to bask in Beatrice’s undivided attention, being allowed to look into her eyes and see everything without either of them suddenly pulling away in that single moment that counted most. The way Beatrice looked at her now, as if the possibility of anyone stumbling upon them—even if they should be fellow nuns—hardly mattered.

No, nothing could detract from the sight that they made.

Two women within arm’s reach of each other, the taller one taking a half step closer… Ava’s eyes follow with no question, no hesitation. Her head tilts slowly upwards, her eyes unconsciously and oh so briefly grabbing a glimpse of the pair of lips before her. Beatrice notices of course, and her smile which borders on smug forms on said lips before she reaches out with one hand, cradling the side of Ava’s face not unlike that first time they looked at each other with an intensity that is only rivaled by today’s.

“I was surviving just fine before I met you, Ava Silva. I existed. I made a difference where and when I could. I cared and I loved. But all of those suddenly pales in comparison the moment you stormed into my life and decided I was worth your time. That night you came back to life, the halo didn’t just save a life, it saved two: yours and mine.” Beatrice’s thumb caresses Ava’s cheek, so softly, with a reverence that makes the younger want to cry and fly and scream how she cannot seriously be worthy of this admiration—this love.

“You were right. How can this— _us—_ be wrong when it’s the halo that brought us here together?”

Ava’s hand reaches up to hang on to mimic Beatrice’s hold, cradling the taller woman’s jaw in the palm of her hand, “I swear to God I wish I could kiss you right now.”

The blush that crawls along the nun’s face is so endearing Ava feels half tempted to smush her face once again. It’s either that or jump her in the middle of the courtyard.

“I am honestly having a hard time trying to remember why we shouldn’t,” Beatrice admits, her eyes locked onto Ava’s lips, unable to force herself to look away.

Ava suddenly envelops Beatrice in a hug, her arms around her neck, standing just a little bit on her toes. Instinctively, Beatrice’s own warms wind around the slightly shorter woman.

“Not yet. Not here. I won’t make things harder for you, Bea.” Ava begins to pull away, and both instantly feel the keen sense of loss.

Despite her natural feelings on the matter, Beatrice nods in thanks, smiling widely at the other woman for her restraint and her respect.

That said, “I won’t hide what I feel though, Ava. Let rumors fly as high as they want, about whatever they have to say. Let them know that I’m submitting my request to withdraw from my vows. I don’t care.”

It’s Ava’s turn to blush as she cannot remember anyone ever making her feel as important or as wanted and as needed as Beatrice makes her feel.

The depth and the breadth of Beatrice’s words stun Ava to silence. She can feel her heart hammering, half afraid she’s dreaming and half afraid she’s awake but hearing only what she _wants_ to hear. Beatrice isn’t normally the kind for long speeches. That’s more of Ava’s job: to ramble and go on and on. Yet here they are. Suddenly, Ava remembers another question she’d been meaning to ask.

“We talked about our worst-case scenario. Have you thought about what’s our best one like?”

At this, the nun looks upward as if greatly pondering the matter. With a wide smile that reaches far enough to pull the muscles around her eyes to contract in genuine happiness, “Best-case scenario is we get to be together, fight together, someday _win_ this war side by side, and just live our lives together.”

Ava’s about to prod the other as to what other “plans” she might have in store for them, but of course they are naturally interrupted.

* * *

“Hey! You two talking again?”

It’s Mary who appears to disrupt their moment. Somewhat grateful at the interruption lest she end up breaking her word to Mother Superion, Beatrice acknowledges their friend’s arrival with a smile.

“Ahhh. Good. I was so over the two of you moping and staring at each other from afar.” Mary rubs her hands in glee, wondering who would blush or look away first.

To her surprise, both women look at each other with dope-looking smiles on their faces. No fierce blushing, no stutter, no rebuttal, or denial, not even a joke from Ava!

“Hold up! Is this…is this a thing now?” Mary leans closer towards them to whisper, “You two official or something?”

Beatrice appears somewhat sheepish, but mostly still smiling as she motions for Ava with a tilt of her head as the latter looks ready to burst in excitement. “Not yet.”

Mary’s smile drops into a disappointed frown. “The fuck does that mean?”

“Well…if I understood correctly...” Ava looks back at Beatrice as she says the words, “We’re waiting.” And at the pleased smile and nod from Beatrice, Ava grins back at their friend.

“Waiting for what?” This time it’s Lilith who approaches with Camila in tow.

“Oh, are you both done fighting? This really is a good day today!” Camila beams happily as she moves to try and wrap her arms around both Ava and Beatrice. It’s quite a reach, but both women happily return the hug.

“Great. Anyone wanna sing while we’re at it?” Mary drawls in her usual sarcastic manner.

“I would!” Camila eagerly raises her hand.

Lilith wordlessly moves to lower Camila’s hand.

“I agree. It’s a great day today.” Lilith states.

All five women automatically move at the same time, naturally falling into walking side by side: Ava in the middle, Beatrice to her left and Camila to her right with Lilith and Mary holding up both ends of the row they formed as they strode down the wide open corridor leading towards the dining hall.

“That’s new. Something actually pleases you today, Lilith?” Ava teases.

“Well for one, Beatrice finally seems to have stopped sucking on a lemon. Don’t even get me started on how _you_ looked.”

“I do not look like I suck on a lemon.” Beatrice finds herself reacting. Lilith shrugs, her own hands clasped behind her back in a similar fashion to the former.

“Fine. Sometimes you looked like you were constipated.”

Ava’s laughter rings loud and clear across the halls. All four others stop and stare for a beat at their halo bearer before exchanging looks with each other.

They missed this, missed her, and consequently missed _them_ as a unit. As a whole.

Beatrice looks at Ava who is still unable to control her laughter and despite the humor being at her expense, she’ll let it go because how could she take that look of joy away from her? Even Lilith looks pleased at having made Ava laugh. Mary’s grin is something familiar. Something that was common back when Shannon was still with them. Even the glint in Camila’s eyes are different for someone who’s always ready with a smile.

“So, you two aren’t official just yet…but the feelings are mutual. Did I get that part right?” Mary recalls to ask for clarification.

Lilith and Camila exchange bewildered looks, both simultaneously looking at Mary for clarification.

Mary simply points at Beatrice and Ava…and then proceeds to gesture something with both hands that was undoubtedly lewd, causing an outcry among all four women.

“Oh gross!” Lilith exclaims.

“Mary!” Camila is blushing red, but also laughing.

Ava is beet red and lunges at Mary, but the latter turns, causing Ava to end up hanging around Mary’s back as the older woman tries to shake her off. “Take that back, Mary!”

Beatrice on the other hand isn’t quite sure what Mary’s gestures meant but based on everyone else’s reaction, she’s pretty sure her automatic indignant cry was warranted.

Camila pulls at Mary’s sleeve, her curiosity somehow causing a look of panic to form on the latter’s face as the former newbie of the team proceeds to ask for an explanation. Lilith dares to chuckle as Mary tries to run from Camila’s persistent questions. "Wait, Mary! What would two pairs of scissors have to do with anything?"

"Not in the house of God, Camila!" Mary shouts in alarm.

Ava and Beatrice fall a little bit behind the others. Ava trying to catch her breath after being dumped on her ass by Mary, to get her off the gun-toting woman’s back.

Looking at each other, Ava suddenly leans close to whisper into Beatrice’s ear. “I’ll meet you in my room tonight?”

Beatrice nearly stumbles on her suddenly unsteady feet, unsure if she was ruffled by the words or the tone in Ava’s voice. Ava doesn’t even wait for Beatrice’s reply. She simply throws a smirk towards the nun and then starts running after the other members of their team.

 _We’ll be fine_ , Beatrice thinks.

We’ll be just fine.

* * *

The sound of a mobile phone ringing disrupts her moment of peace. Something that she hasn’t truly felt in a long while. She opens a drawer on her desk, and frowns upon seeing the recognizable number.

She slides her thumb across the screen, accepting the call, and holds the phone up to her ear without saying a word.

It takes but two seconds for the voice on the other end to speak.

_“Is it done?”_

Her anger makes her hold on the phone tighten.

She allows the cane to fall on the floor as she braces herself against her desk with her other hand. Her anger is pure, and swift…and true.

This time, it’s true.

“You lied to me.”

_“What? Lied about what?”_

“You told me it was my fault. I believed you. I believed _in_ you.”

There’s little noise to indicate that her caller is still on the other end, but she knows them well.

_“It was the right thing to do at the time.”_

She laughs sardonically, “We’re done.”

_“We had a deal.”_

“I won’t let you hurt them. I certainly won’t let you hurt either of them like you hurt me.”

She hangs up without another word, standing up to approach her window and looking down aimlessly at nothing, but mostly trying to rein all her emotions back in. It wouldn’t serve the order to have an unhinged woman at the helm.

From below, the older woman spies five figures crossing the yard. She also notes how Beatrice hangs back a little with Ava.

She’ll do everything she can to prevent the fallout that’s about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am entirely unhappy with this chapter. But this needed to be let loose in order to get to the last part.  
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments. I'm so sorry I don't reply as I prolly should. But know that I'm glad most of you seemed to like whatever this is. :)


	8. AT LAST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've come to "what now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out longer than planned. I was supposed to break if off but I really didn't want to add another chapter anymore lest it lead to more. I really want to close this one. So here. Finally, the end.

It's nearly midnight: the night before Ava has to leave and she's yet to finish packing. She looks around her room and thinks how she has never really been able to make this place hers. Not that there’s a lot for her to work with.

Ava zips her bag close and sighs.

She shouldn’t be feeling guilty. She’s waited long enough, hasn’t she? Yes. She deserves this. She has the right to leave and do something for herself for a change. Right?

Right.

One last look around to ensure she hasn’t left anything important…

How long has she been involved in this life and still hardly anything to her name, in her possession to call her own? She can’t help but fidget, getting restless as she spares a glance at her watch, then at her bag, and comes to a decision. Leaving a few hours earlier than planned will change nothing. Might as well go while there are no witnesses and no useless goodbyes and taunts to deal with.

Ava hoists her backpack on over a shoulder, takes a deep breath, turns, and opens the door—

—and feels something hit her on the forehead.

* * *

"What THE—!"

Ava blinks and stares at the woman in front of her, staring back at her with slight surprise, fist poised to knock on her door but has apparently caught Ava's head instead.

Said eyes then take a closer look at Ava’s clothes, finally settling to take note of the bag she is holding. There is a flare of anger that briefly erupts before her visitor quickly tamps it back down. Ever the consummate professional, Ava muses.

"You're leaving." It’s a statement and Ava knew better than to deny the obvious at this point. She shrugs. “What’s a few hours early?”

"Leaving without saying goodbye?" The tone in her voice is bland and emotionless but the look in her eyes almost breaks Ava’s resolve who stares wordlessly with a tinge of shock at the other woman.

“I didn’t know you were into theatrics.” Ava finally seems to have found her words. With a wry grin, she offers, “Shall I moan and wail as I drive away?”

“Don’t be silly!” The sharp tone successfully drives the look of glee from the Warrior Nun’s face replacing it with a startled and slightly fearful expression.

“You don’t even know how to drive.”

The slight upturn of a corner of the older woman’s lips breaks the moment, causing Ava to chuckle.

“Almost had me there, Mother Superion.” Ava lightly bows her head in acknowledgement of having been played.

The older woman arches an eyebrow at her student. “Who says I was entirely kidding?”

Ava actually stomps her foot as she crosses her arms, “Oh c’mon! It’s just the weekend! I’m just trying to make the most out of every hour.”

Mother Superion rolls her eyes and sighs, moving aside to motion for the Warrior Nun to exit her own room. The meaning dawns on Ava whose grins grows wide as she squeals and claps her hands before impulsively throwing her arms around the other woman. “Thank you!”

The gratitude is heartfelt and much appreciated, if only it hadn’t been exclaimed somewhere a little too close to the nun’s ear. Yet, despite the discomfort to her hearing, said nun finds herself gently albeit briefly returning the hug with one arm. Ava deserved this little break, this time away.

The young woman had greatly impressed the nun with how she had determinedly worked twice as hard as ever. Sometimes, she does wonder what it is exactly that drives Ava to push herself so hard in training—other than the more obvious purpose for training to prepare for going against Adriel and whatever it is he might throw at them.

In all her years of serving this chapter as Mother Superion—particularly the very chapter home to the Warrior Nun—Ava Silva is…unique to say the least. Not even raised to be a believer despite her years at a Catholic institution, no formal nor even proper education, definitely no training in the defensive arts—save for the young woman’s penchant for occasionally being too smart mouthed for her own good.

Ava Silva was like no other Warrior Nun for the mere fact that she was something akin to a clean slate when she received the halo. No preconceived notions, no bias, no training or conditioning to fall back on…she may have balked at first, yes. But she can admit that when Ava had finally set her mind upon answering the call of duty of being a Halo Bearer, she jumped in headfirst.

Granted, not Ava’s greatest trait on a daily basis, but when it counted the most, the young woman heeded the call despite everyone else’s misgivings and doubts around her.

And perhaps that is one of Mother Superion’s regrets. Instead of foisting her repressed feelings of bitterness at having lost the halo while Ava was obviously _chosen_ for a reason, she could have spent more time training the unsuspecting Halo Bearer. She could have had more faith in her God for choosing this young woman, so much so He resurrected her and gave her a new life with a much bigger purpose.

“Ava.”

The young woman pulls away with a too-wide grin still on her face.

“I never apologized. I’m sorry.” She does her best to meet Ava’s gaze directly, unflinching in the face of humility of what she’s done—or rather, what she _hasn’t_ done.

Ava’s cheerful disposition morphs into confusion, “What for? You’re—” Ava takes a step back with a definite frown on her face, “You’re not changing your mind about—”

Mother Superion cuts her off with a shake of her head. “No, Ava. I’m not changing my mind.”

Ava’s shoulders relax and ease into quiet relief, before curiosity prompts her to ask, “What for then?”

The nun quickly discerns the genuine confusion, Ava’s character surprisingly not one to dwell too long or too deeply in transgressions she deemed insignificant. Perhaps that detail in itself held promise for her and her future relationship with this Warrior Nun.

“I’m sorry because instead of helping you train, instead of helping you and supporting you as I’ve helped all other Warrior Nuns before you…I…” She takes a quick and deep breath before forging onwards. “I belittled you. I questioned God’s decision. I doubted you. Instead of showing you my support in the face of certain other sister warriors treating you poorly, I might as well have enabled them by trying to cut you off from the very people—the one person who saw you for you truly are.”

The silence lasts a few seconds before Ava gently shakes her head and then shrugs. “I know who I am, Mother Superion. I know what I can be like. And I know I’m the farthest thing from perfect. In fact, between you and me, sometimes I annoy myself too. That’s…that’s quite the trip I tell you.” Ava chuckles to herself and it’s not even in that self-deprecating manner she was often prone to do whenever the topic turned introspective.

“The thing is I actually want to thank you.”

Ava’s words definitely catch Mother Superion by surprise.

“Ava…” Shaking her head in disagreement, it is Ava’s turn to hold up a hand and request the other woman to hear her out first.

“You took me in. True, you poked a few good times to make me cry. But even when everything within you told you to set me loose, to turn me away, when it seemed like the voices around you encouraged you to give up on me…you didn’t. And sure, maybe that’s my boy Jesus and his teachings trying to make itself known,” Mother Superion can’t help the light chuckle and gentle purse of her lips in admonishment for Ava referring to the Son of God like her next-door neighbor, but Ava merely smiles wider and laughs, “you fought against all of those and…when it came down to it, you listened.”

Ava redirects her gaze down on to the floor, scuffing the top of her boot against the other in a nervous gesture, “You could have had Beatrice transferred without notice. I know that. You could have set me up with a different team or maybe shipped me off to a different chapter. Who knows? You’re Mother Superion. I know that if it had to come down to what you thought was absolutely needed to be done, you would do it. Hell. You could have even worked on digging that proverbial knife deeper. Get me to doubt myself further into a downward spiral…”

Ava pauses to look up and meet the older woman’s eyes before continuing, “…until I would be the one begging you to take the halo and give it to someone better. Someone worthy.”

The slight gasp the nun finds herself letting loose sounds too loud in the midst of the empty corridor.

“Ava, that’s not—”

“—it’s okay.” The young woman assures the nun with a brighter smile. “That afternoon in your office, when you took the time and the chance to listen—really listen—to me and Beatrice…and then when you suddenly started showing up during training sessions and giving me tips and pointers… I guess I took it to mean that maybe you don’t find me entirely hopeless. Or at least not anymore. I was worth your time.”

The older woman tried not to let it show just how much Ava’s words pierced her heart, deferring to Ava’s own penchant for humor when things turned heavy. “Beatrice believed—believes in you and so do the rest of your team. Surely their friendship would have convinced you beforehand.”

“Meh. Sometimes I think I just wore them down. I’m really good at annoying people into defeat.” Ava laughs. “Plus, Bea’s biased.”

“Of all of them, you must know Beatrice is polite, but honest. She will not mince words if unnecessary.”

Ava rolls her eyes. “I know. She really likes to show me a little too well what it feels like to be on my back again and again.”

The ensuing silence and slightly wide-eyed look from the older woman startles Ava into mentally reviewing what she said.

“NO! I meant like in training! When she kicks my ass and I’m down on the ground again! Sometimes, I even end up with my face down on the ground. Sometimes I don’t even end up on the ground. One time, we were training down by the pond and then I think she underestimated her strength—although Bea isn’t one to under or overestimate anything—you know what, maybe she DID mean to throw me that far because I made fun of this shirt I found in her stuff but yeah, I ended up all wet because of course she made me wet—BECAUSE OF THE WATER JEEZUS PLEASE STOP ME—”

It is ultimately the laugh that comes out of the nun which effectively stops Ava’s word vomit more than anything else.

There’s a look of wonder on Ava’s face, unsure if she’s ever seen the nun laugh. There might have been a few instances she had seen her smile, but laugh? No. Definitely not like this.

When the humor seems to have finally tapered off for Mother Superion, the nun surprises Ava even further by suddenly placing a hand on her shoulder, a serious look belaying her features, but a far cry from the cold and calculating one she used to give the young halo bearer.

“I hope you have fought well past your doubts about the halo, Ava. I will not lie. There are others who have trained all their lives and may very well be more than worthy of the halo. But remember this: YOU are worth more than that Halo. Do you see Beatrice, Lilith, Camila, Mary or any of the other sisters any less than who or what they are for being Sister Warriors instead of the Warrior Nun?”

The brief look of outrage on Ava’s face on behalf of the named seems to be enough of an answer for the nun. “We all have our roles to play in this life, Ava. Each just as vital, just as important. Remember your worth and know that with or without the Halo, you are important—not just to Beatrice or your friends.” The look of familiar reproach makes a reappearance on Mother Superion and Ava instinctively gulps in nervousness of what she might have done wrong. “In fact, I will be very much _displeased_ if I were to find out you had gotten injured or placed yourself in unnecessary harm. Do you understand me, Ava?”

Perhaps it had been the tone, or the nun’s words, or the teasing glimmer that cements the idea for Ava: she had almost forgotten what _this_ feeling meant.

But for the first time in a long time, Ava thinks she remembers that this is what it must be like to have a mother.

With tears already leaking from the corner of her eyes, Ava doesn’t hold back from once again engulfing the other woman in a hug. Unsure of how to express herself properly, Ava hung on to the older woman while quietly sobbing.

She honestly didn’t know. In fact, she probably wouldn’t have noticed had tonight never happened, had she never gotten to have this conversation with this woman who is supposed to be her superior and her teacher.

Except Ava can feel the difference.

She thought she was well past missing her mother. She’d long buried what it felt to have someone who constantly looked after her, asked after her, wondered if she was happy, content, safe. And yes, her friends and Beatrice—especially Beatrice—cares about her, loves her. But now Ava remembers the different sort of warmth her mother used to give. It wasn’t anything tangible like the halo’s. But it came from something deeper. The nun’s words echo in Ava’s head, hums within her chest, settling like a suffusing warmth deep in her belly.

 _With or without the halo_.

“Sometimes I wondered what my life would have been like if I didn’t lose the woman I loved the way I did. If perhaps we had a chance to build a life together, raise a family together… But then I go through each day teaching and guiding the sisters…you. I see you and I realize that perhaps this is what God meant for me to have. You, and the rest of the girls are my daughters in all but blood. No matter what happens, Ava, know that you’ll always have a home here—wherever I am.”

And despite the low vibration that Ava could feel beneath her cheek as the woman spoke her promise, it is the gentle hand upon the back of her head, settling like another warm weight, that assures Ava more than words ever could.

* * *

“Ava?”

More than the familiar voice, it is the note of concern that breaks the silence, prompting Ava to pull away from the older woman, quickly wiping the remaining tears away, and turning towards one end of the corridor to lay eyes on the woman she loves.

“Hey, Bea.” Ava sniffles a few times, tugging on a sleeve as she uses it to brush and wipe against her nose.

“Ava,” the low voice admonishes with a brief _tsk_ -ing sound as a handkerchief appears in front of her eyes. The young woman takes it with a sheepish but grateful smile.

“You’re crying.” The hint of steel in Beatrice’s voice jars Ava to the present to note the somewhat defensive posture of her girlfriend. The quick look Beatrice throws toward Mother Superion finally clues Ava in, prompting her to move forward, intercepting the other girl with a hug which Beatrice instinctively returns.

Arms wrapping protectively around Ava, Beatrice feels the grip around her heart loosen. She quietly but quickly takes in her mentor’s posture and facial expression, allowing her observation to infer that she was not the cause for Ava’s tears. Although Beatrice wouldn’t be fully confident in her assessment unless Ava says it herself.

“It’s okay, Bea. We were just having a little heart to heart.” Ava says, pulling away slightly to meet the taller woman’s gaze head on.

_Heart to heart? With Mother Superion?_

The confusion and disbelief must have been evident on her face as Ava chuckles and leans closer to whisper, “I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“I’ve kept you long enough. My apologies.” Mother Superion’s voice breaks through the two of them, causing both younger women to pull away from each other but leaving their hands clasped together.

“Oh!” Ava exclaims as she looks at the time on her wrist, noting the time. “I’m sorry, Bea. Had you been waiting long?”

The casual shrug belies the actual worry and concern Beatrice had gone through when the time to meet had come and gone and found still no sign of Ava.

“You had been excited the whole day and messaging me nonstop. I was a bit concerned when you failed to show up on time. I had half-expected you to get there before me. But it’s okay.”

 _What an understatement_ , the voice in Beatrice’s head mocks.

Truth is, as each minute past the appointed time came and went, Beatrice’s doubts and fears had reared their ugly heads.

Her worries ranged from Ava changing her mind to somehow Ava being kidnapped by Adriel.

“Again. I’m sorry to have kept you Ava. My apologies as well, Sister…”

Mother Superion suddenly pauses, sighs, and offers them a smile. “It’s going to take some time getting used to addressing you simply as Beatrice.”

Said woman offers a warm smile of her own, “You’ve referred to me occasionally without the honorific, Mother Superion.”

A slight nod in acknowledgement is given, “Perhaps. Yet not as often as when I called or referred to you with it. I suppose you’ll just have to forgive me if I happen to slip up every now and then.”

She offers a slight bow in usual deference to her mentor, “Of course, Mother Superion.”

“You two best be on your way then lest Mary and the others catch on.”

Both Ava’s and Beatrice’s eyes widen in excitement upon remembering their plans, the latter suddenly blushing red upon realizing that the older woman still present could decipher their feelings then and there.

“No need to be embarrassed, Beatrice. Now go on. I’ll walk you two out if you don’t mind.”

* * *

True to form, their movements are quick and efficient despite the not-so-serious matter they are about to embark on. In no time at all, all three women have exited one of the side entrances where their assigned car was waiting.

Ava excitedly emits a barely maintained squeal before squeezing Beatrice’s hand in hers once—really tight—and then moving towards the car to deposit her bag to the trunk.

Before she can even move to open the trunk, however…

“Um…Bea?”

The tone in the Warrior Nun’s voice immediately puts both Beatrice and Mother Superion on guard.

“What is it?” Beatrice closes the distance between them, freezing on the spot beside the shorter woman as they both stare in shock at what they’ve found.

Not wasting another second, Mother Superion follows, moving to stand beside Beatrice to see…

The older woman pinches the bridge of her nose before raising her voice in exasperation.

“Mary!”

Mother Superion rarely raised her voice, thus startling even Beatrice who was right beside the nun.

“Lilith! Camila! I know you three are out there. Come out or I’m assigning you three to surveillance for a week.”

Lilith suddenly makes an appearance a few feet from them with a stoic expression on her face and a ready statement. “It was Mary’s idea, Mother Superion.”

Camila’s voice follows immediately, her head popping out to the side from behind Lilith. “What she said.”

“Hey! That’s not fair! I just wanted to write ‘Just Got Laid’ but you were the one who argued technicalities and shit. Also, the cans were Lilith’s idea.”

Mary came running out from the door the three had just emerged from a bit earlier.

“That’s because ‘Just Got Laid’ IS technically wrong.” Camila insists.

Lilith sighs in exasperation and rolls her eyes as she pipes in with her two cents’ worth, “Those two are so obvious with their pining. Everyone knows they were just biding their time and waiting—even the new recruits get stupidly giggly around them and how ‘romantic’ it is—ugh.”

“I mean…unless something’s already changed? Or maybe ever since the official letter came through…” Camila shot the couple in front of them an exaggeratingly sly wink as she allows her words to trail off.

Which of course causes the former nun to sputter and Ava to begin another one of her word vomits “NO WAY!!!” Ava turns toward their OCS chapter head, “We kept our word, Mother Superion! WE SWEAR! And no—I mean, there were a few near misses but we kept our word! No funny business until Beatrice was officially no longer a nun! And no funny business here either! Well yeah there may have been that one time in Mary’s room—”

“What the fuck!? Why were you in my room?! You better not have done any—OH MY GOD. Am I going to need a UV light?!”

“—but nothing happened! Even that thing in the library—”

“The library?! People use that place you guys! _I_ use that space!”

“Hey! FYI my room is _my_ space and I use that space—”

“—I mean wow, okay, maybe there might have been that one hot second in the training room too—”

“The training room?! Is nothing sacred to you people?!”

A sharp and piercing whistle renders everyone quiet.

Mother Superion arches an eyebrow, wordlessly asking if anyone else wanted to speak up. She spies a glance at Beatrice and notes the pallor of the woman and thus forces herself _not_ to laugh.

“Okay. First of all, this WHOLE place is supposed to be sacred. Second, Mary, we talked about language didn’t we? Third, Ava we love you and we are happy for you and Beatrice but there really is absolutely NO NEED to itemize all the times you and your girlfriend had a… _near miss_.”

Ava raised her hand.

The eldest nun sighs, but acknowledges Ava. “This isn’t class, Ava. But yes. You may speak.”

“We kept our word, Mother Superion. We did our best. We wanted to do everything right so no one could ever say we disrespected anyone.” The look of serious concern on Ava’s face sobers all other women present.

“Hey, Ava. Listen, kid it was just a joke. We know you guys.” Mary is the first to try and assure the halo bearer.

Ava emits a sigh of relief, looking up at the still quiet former nun with an ever-smitten gaze as she gently takes Beatrice’s hand and cradles it between her own two hands.

“I may not be the believer you guys are. But I respect you and your faith—and I definitely respect Bea’s. Plus, we didn’t want anyone to have the chance to hold this against us.” Ava motions toward their clasped hands.

“We get it, Ava. And we believe you. Both of you.” The solemn words from Mother Superion seem to be what breaks Beatrice from her silence as she clears her throat.

“I don’t think I properly thanked you, Mother Superion. I know you must have had a hand in… _expediting_ my request.” The emphasis stressed on a particular word very much noted.

The woman responds with a gracious smile, “No need to thank me.”

“Yes. Yes, we do.” Lilith speaks up. “We know you argued to keep Mary and Beatrice with us.”

Camila nods excitedly and smiles gratefully at their superior. Mary offering her own slight nod in deference and gratitude to the woman.

“Well…I only stated the facts. They are assets to the Order. It would be foolish to dispense with such assets just because they have not taken their vows—or rather, have revoked their vows. Their heart, their integrity, and the core of who they are remains in line with what this order stands for. And that’s what matters most, doesn’t it?”

All five young women nod in acquiescence.

“Now I believe you both have a weekend off that you’d been looking forward to for some time now.” Mother Superion gestures toward the car. “Mary, if you’d be so kind as to take away those cans from the back of the car and make sure to cut the strings off as well, please? Lilith and Camila, please wipe off that fancy lettering.”

All three slightly groan but follow the directive, Mary taking out a knife to cut the strings while Camila and Lilith work on rubbing away _Will Get Laid_ from the trunk of the car.

“I really think we’re missing out on them driving off with the sound of those cans right behind them,” Mary pretends to grouse.

“It’s the middle of the night, Mary. Think of the racket we’d be making along the way just to humor you.” Beatrice rolls her eyes at the older woman.

“Context aside, who drew the words? Those are pretty good.” Ava points out, mildly impressed.

Beatrice shoots her a reproachful look, as if to implore her not to encourage the others.

“What? It’s a cool font, Bea!”

“Is it, really? I’ve been dabbling in calligraphy and I wanted to do one of those fancy invitation types of lettering.” Camila admits, a look of regret on her face as she wipes off one of her better works by far.

“That is so cool, Camila! Hey maybe you can teach me when we get back.” Ava’s eyes widen in excitement for another new thing to possibly learn.

“How about we stick to improving your block letters first?” Lilith teases.

Ava rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at her _frenemy_.

Mother Superion interjects and cuts off any further teasing and taunt with a reminder. “Don’t forget to check in at the prescribed times, understood?”

It had been greatly impressed upon the couple that with the current situation, the Halo Bearer needed to be careful and essentially protected while also remaining accessible enough in the event of any emergency. It was unspoken that Beatrice being with Ava pretty much took care of the “careful” and “protected” parts. It was “accessible” that had been tricky as the ex-nun had ideas of where to take the young woman, keeping in mind Ava had hardly been anywhere outside mission-related trips.

Until Camila joked about Lilith’s teleporting incident when she first rejoined them.

_“C’mon Lilith! I know this is super weird but think of how advantageous this could be for the team if you could ACTUALLY pull off teleportation!”_

_“Oh please. Like you’re not just trying to find a means around that problem Mother Superion brought up because you want to go and have a nookie with Beatrice.”_

_“Okay, first off: nookie? Who even uses that word anymore, grandma.” Ava quickly ducks as Lilith takes a swipe at her and phases through a few more jabs from the taller woman as she continues, “Second: actually it’s more than a ‘nookie’ that I want from Beatrice if you must know.”_

_“Ava!” The exclamation comes from both Lilith and Beatrice, both red-faced for different reasons._

_“Bea—oomph!” Ava’s consistent and constant excitement every time she would lay eyes on Beatrice is cut off thanks to a Lilith-sized fist making contact with an Ava-sized jaw._

_“Lilith!” Beatrice exclaims._

_“She was supposed to phase through that!” Lilith shouts right back as she leans over to check on the fallen woman._

_“You’re supposed to practice teleporting so I can have my weekend off with my girlfriend, but hey—we can’t have ‘em all can we?” Ava’s mocking makes Lilith to want to lunge at the shorter woman once more._

_Truth is, Lilith eventually does begin working on her newfound power partly because she got tired of walking in on the two and their sexual tension trailing after them everywhere. Ugh._

“Yes, Mother Superion.” Ava and Beatrice simultaneously reply.

“Good. If you miss a single one, I’m sending Lilith to pop right over.”

Ava wasn’t sure what to focus on: the smirk on their leader’s face or the panic on Lilith’s.

“You better not miss a single one,” Lilith hisses at Ava in warning. “I don’t want to have to arrive and see something I shouldn’t.”

“Guess you should practice on focusing on teleporting somewhere behind a door or something then.” Ava shoots back.

“We should go!” Beatrice exclaims, dragging Ava on over towards the car before letting her go to get into the driver’s side.

With a jaunty wave and grin at the other women, Ava follows and sits up front.

There might have been a slight squeal of tires as the car peeled away, but…who could blame them?

“Kids. They grow up so fast.” Mary chuckles.

Mother Superion quietly watched the car until it disappeared around the corner, before turning to walk back inside. “Wasn’t too long ago when you and Shannon would sneak away right around this time, yes?”

The look on Mary’s face… The older woman hides a grin. Sometimes it pays to remind the young ones that they’ve still got a long way to go if they think they were pulling the wool over another one’s eyes.

* * *

“So…”

They have been driving for possibly just a few minutes, barely even reaching the outskirts of the nearby town when Ava noticed the silence, and the whitening of knuckles thanks to the grip Beatrice had on the steering wheel.

“Bea?”

All of a sudden, Beatrice turns the wheel, pulls off to the side of the road, and then cuts the engine.

“Woah! Hey, what’s wrong?” Ava can’t help but worry. Between the two of them, she was definitely the one who filled out the worrywart pants of the relationship. If Beatrice looks the slightest bit perturbed, chances are there is a _very_ good reason for her to be.

Ava gingerly extends her arm to place a hand on Beatrice’s shoulder, only to be startled when the latter grabs said hand and turns to face her all within the space of one second.

“You’re scaring me, Beatrice. What’s going on?” Ava’s voice is a whisper, partly scared of the answer.

“I was thinking maybe during the sunrise. Or maybe when we’re at the ferry.” The words are low and mumbled, something the former nun wasn’t prone to doing.

“What?”

Beatrice leans a little closer, her free hand moving to stroke the skin of Ava’s cheek.

“May I kiss you?”

The request is softly uttered and yet seemed so loud within the space of the quiet interior of the vehicle. Not even the hum of the engine seemed to register as both got lost in each other’s eyes.

“You don’t really have to ask.” Ava replies, her own free hand moving up to clasp the hand framing her face, bringing it closer to her lips so she can brush a kiss against its palm which elicits a gasp from its owner.

Beatrice’s voice, when she speaks, almost sounds strangled and she briefly wonders when her throat had gone dry. “I…I thought maybe we could wait just a little more. So that we can share this moment somewhere memorable.”

“You know better than that, Bea. Anywhere would be memorable so long as it’s with you.”

The initial plan had been simple. As soon as Beatrice’s letter signifying her time as a nun is officially over comes through, they would go out on a date.

And it was a good plan until they started spending more and more time together, speaking of all the things they wanted to do together, plans suddenly being made, a list being written of all the places Beatrice wanted to visit and mostly revisit with Ava, places she loves that perhaps Ava would love as well.

Until those times together turned a little too hot and too close for comfort.

Suddenly, everyone including the on-call electrician knew about the two of them, wondering “when will those two nuns just get it over with.”

The issue of rumors that had started everything had changed. There were mostly those who had made their support and approval be known once Beatrice’s request made it through the grapevine. The few who had unfavorable comments were immediately suppressed by the larger party who had immense respect for Sister Beatrice and a growing respect for their Warrior Nun. The few who had the guts to approach them on the matter had congratulated both, mostly commending them for their restraint in “waiting.” Ava would often only remark that “she’s worth the wait.”

Lilith was right. Even the recruits had found the idea of them as a couple “utterly romantic.” Although Ava might argue one or two were just jealous. Not that it mattered. Beatrice is hers and she didn’t share. Admitting as much to Beatrice thankfully only garnered an amused laugh from the ex-nun-to-be and a light-hearted confession of her own, “I’m an only child. We’re not good with sharing either.”

“Well, Ava, I find that I can no longer wait. In fact, I’m having trouble focusing as we speak.”

Ava’s smile grows wider at the admission, letting go of Beatrice’s hand, gently disengaging the other from the other woman’s grasp, and slowly reaching up and out to wind both arms around her girlfriend’s neck.

It’s an awkward position, truly, especially with the seatbelt and the middle console; and in the back of their heads they both wonder how long they could maintain such position, if necessary.

However, all other thoughts flee both of their minds when the moment finally registers for both, Ava ultimately the one to close the distance between them.

Ever since that afternoon after leaving Mother Superion’s office, both had toed the line of physical intimacy. Brief kisses brushed across cheeks, forehead, back of a hand, palm, and in a moment of weakness, across a bare shoulder after a time spent too long under the sun. They held hands whenever they could. Sometimes, they spent time in each other’s rooms. Certain nights they even spent together, just lying in bed side by side, basking in the nearness of the other as one listened while the other read aloud. They had struggled, but they made it.

Beatrice reckons that she wants to keep every single detail of this moment to memory. The look in Ava’s eyes before she closed them, the softness of her skin compared to the slight rasp of her calloused hands, the soft puff of breath from Ava’s lips she felt across her own right before the kiss she’d been waiting and praying for finally happened.

It’s soft.

Beatrice wonders if this is how it should be, given the gentle press of her lips against Ava’s. Without being fully conscious of it, she slowly parts her lips and finds Ava reciprocating in a similar fashion. Kissing Ava fully for the first time, in a car in the middle of nowhere, hardly an hour past midnight, seems so simple all of a sudden.

The soft sighs Ava breathed into Beatrice’s mouth for every moment their lips parted long enough to shift positions, along with the feel of Ava’s fingers suddenly entangling themselves in her hair seem like too much of a cacophony to commit to memory.

A part of the former nun questions if Ava feels as overwhelmed as she is, causing her to try and open her eyes somewhat to sneak a peek, just as Ava suddenly stops and pulls away to stare at her.

“What…did I do something wrong?” The insecurity in her voice must be obvious as Ava immediately shakes her head, pulling her close to lean her forehead against hers, eyes closed. “No. God no, Bea. It’s…it’s perfect. Just perfect.”

“Really?” The surprise in her voice, again, must be telling as Ava nods and pulls away to settle back into her seat despite her assurances that Beatrice had done nothing wrong.

Beatrice feels something inside her mourn the loss of Ava from her personal space the second she pulled farther away. She wants to pull the younger woman back into her arms and maybe they can do more of this kissing that’s a newly added feature in their relationship.

“Bea?”

The amusement in Ava’s voice jars her back to the present, embarrassed to realize she’s likely been staring at the other woman like an idiot.

“Yeah?” She croaks.

“I don’t mind our first _real_ kiss being here and now.”

The former nun squirms at the unspoken “but” hanging in the air, rearranging herself properly back into her seat, unable to look at the other, as she wonders if she’s already failed in some way as a proper girlfriend.

The hand on her forearm stalls her movements and pulls on her attention, instinctively redirects her gaze back onto Ava.

“If we go any further, I’m not sure I’d be able to stop. And I really, _really_ , don’t want our first outing—with you as an ex-nun, by the way—to end up with us either in jail or as a viral video somewhere on the net.”

“Video?!” Beatrice nearly sputters in incredulous disbelief at the thought of being filmed—not to mention the implication of anything intimate between the two of them being documented.

“In this day and age? Always assume that when you’re out in public, big brother is watching. I’ve seen Camila do her thing one too many times to be anything less than paranoid when outside. Also, I’m glad to know where your priorities lie between prison and going viral.” Ava laughs.

Beatrice pauses to recall her friend’s capabilities and finds herself agreeing, deciding to ignore Ava’ s jab at her “priorities.”

“You’re right.” She sighs, putting her hands back on the steering wheel and nods resolutely before starting the engine and pulling back out onto the road.

Ava’s laugh is just as wild as ever.

“What?” Beatrice asks, sparing the younger woman a quick glance as she mainly focuses on the road before her.

“I’m just happy. I like seeing you like this.”

“Like what?”

Ava waves a hand about before deciding to use her forefinger to poke at Beatrice’s cheek, right on a spot where a crease forms whenever the ex-nun smiles wide enough as an indication of her happiness.

“Relaxed. Happy.”

“Well, that’s easy so long as I’m with you.”

“Really?” Ava teases. “I know a few times where ‘relaxed’ would be the last thing you’d probably equate with my presence.”

The fleeting stupid grins at the other, seeing as Beatrice had to keep her eye on the road, is finally punctuated by a yawn from the Warrior Nun.

“Hey.” Beatrice reaches out with her right hand to caress the back of Ava’s head. “If you want to sneak in some shuteye, it’s fine.”

“Nooo…” Ava groans in disagreement.

Yet unconsciously, Ava relaxes against the comforting touch of the other woman, whose hand has shifted to the back of her neck even as her thumb caresses the line of Ava’s jaw. Sadly, despite her intent to keep her girlfriend company, Ava finds herself being lulled to sleep.

 _Girlfriend_. _We made it. It’s official and we’re out for a weekend together as a couple._

It’s her last pleasant thought before sleep pulls her deep.

* * *

_What the fuck_.

And that is her first thought upon opening her eyes and finding herself in the middle of a drab and grey world of nothing.

“Language.”

The voice shocks Ava to turning on the spot and finding a man dressed not unlike Adriel when she first laid eyes on him within the depths of the Vatican.

Stiffening in preparation for a confrontation, Ava desperately wishes she had some sort of weapon on her.

“Do not be afraid. I am but a messenger.” He offers a small wave with his hand.

“Sonofa—don’t tell me you’re an angel too. Adriel tried that shit once and look—fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well fuck me.”

“May I suggest toning down the profanities?” Despite the admonishment, the man’s smile remains small and welcoming. Safe.

_Safe?_

“How about you let me know where I am, who you are, and what you want, and THEN maybe I’ll reconsider my colorful vocabulary.”

Ava can’t help but take stock of the man before her, noticing the utter lack of anything remarkable about him. Brown eyes, brown hair, average facial features, no discernable facial marks to render him a second look.

“Well that _is_ part of our job description as God’s messenger: blend in and remain unrecognizable as we walk the earth—your earth.” He responds to a question that was definitely all in her head.

“HEY! You can read my thoughts!? That’s…that’s unfair!” Ava exclaims indignantly.

“My apologies. It’s a skill that helps us do our jobs more efficiently and gets things delivered much faster.”

“Hang on. Messenger? What, like that Gabriel? Shit, dude. Listen, I just got a girlfriend and I am in NO WAY, ready to become a single mom.”

To say she’s freaking out would be an understatement. _Maybe this is all a dream_.

The man actually rolls his eyes at Ava and scoffs before even replying.

“First off, I’m not Gabriel. You aren’t that hot of an item to warrant THE messenger of God’s messengers to pay you a visit.” The change in the stranger’s manner of expression and sentence structure slightly takes Ava aback.

“Hey!” is all she could shoot back in trying to fathom everything that is happening.

“Second,” the man seems to have chosen to ignore her, “we heard you couldn’t keep a plant alive and you think we’d entrust you with another human life to take care of?”

“RUDE! But true—hey, what’s with the different sound?” Ava’s curiosity gets the better of her.

The man shrugs. “Forgive me. It’s perhaps what you’d refer to as ‘automatic’. It’s a skill that allows us to better engage with the recipients of our message.”

Ava huffs in exasperation, turning around in place to once more take stock of a load of NOTHING.

“Look, you keep repeating the sense you’re just the messenger and I have weekend plans I need to get back to so why don’t you just tell me what you need to deliver so we can get on with our lives.”

The stranger smiles and nods, “Very well, Ava. You are aware the item you are in possession of is not yours, correct?”

At this, Ava stiffens. _Shit. Are they taking it back? Like right now??_

“Do not fret, please. As I said, I am here to merely deliver a message. Your thoughts do confirm that you are well aware that the item you possess belongs…elsewhere.”

“Fine. Yes, I know. I’m just…borrowing it until we can get rid of this dude who supposedly came from your side by the way.”

“We are well aware. However, that being said, what are your plans once this being has been defeated? Do you intend to keep possession of the item or do you wish to return it to its rightful owner?”

 _FUCK. I knew we should’ve discussed this further already._ To say Ava is beginning to panic would be an understatement at this point.

“What if I tell you that defeating Adriel and returning the item to its rightful place goes hand in hand?”

“What? How?”

“It’s simple really. Both Adriel and this thing you refer to as a halo both belong elsewhere, don’t they?”

_Wait._

“I’m meant to give up the halo then…” Ava’s voice trails off, fear and regret beginning to take root in her chest, somehow rendering her unable to properly breathe.

“Please. Do not panic. We do appreciate that of all the ones who have taken possession of the halo, you by far have the most to lose and yet seem most willing to do what’s right.”

“Hang on! I…I _do_ have a lot to lose and it’s not even about me, really… I mean…”

“Ah. The woman you love.”

“Can you tell me that losing the halo doesn’t mean losing my life?” Ava spoke softly, afraid to hear the answer.

“I’m afraid that is not part of the message I’m supposed to impart.”

“Then what IS the message?” Ava’s voice is raised, her patience running thin.

“When the time comes for you to attempt to defeat the being known as Adriel,”

“Great vote of confidence with the word ‘attempt’, bud.” Ava can’t help but sneak in with a snark.

He barely acknowledges the Warrior Nun with a slight raise of a brow, “the only way within your capability is to bring him back from whence he came. When that time comes, we expect the halo to be returned as well.”

“I need the halo to defeat him—WE need the halo to defeat him. I don’t see us calling a timeout in the middle of a battle and say, ‘hang on, lemme just get this metal out and by the way could you see yourself on to the other side? My friends will throw in this chunk right after you’.”

The man’s smile widens, making Ava want to wipe it off of his face. Except the team had been working with her on her impulse control. She needs to bide her time on this.

“I need the halo. Why can’t I borrow it until my time’s up or something?”

“I appreciate your temperance in ‘wiping the smile off of my stupid face’. We understand you feel that this halo is something you need. But…it is also something _we_ need back as well.”

“Great. We both need it. Where does that leave me?”

“Well, may I remark that your previous statement holds a lot of assumptions? For one, why do you assume only the halo needs to travel to the other side?”

It takes a beat for the meaning of his words to sink in, until Ava’s breath hitches when it finally does.

“I’m…I’m supposed to…Am I supposed to go with Adriel just to return what's yours? Maybe you should've kept a better eye on it then so all of these wouldn't have happened to begin with!”

“We understand you're upset. However, if it means anything, we have been most pleased that you have chosen to dedicate your second chance in life to a noble purpose.”

“It's not like I had a choice, did I? I don’t—why can’t…” Ava’s words have begun to fail her, along with her breathing it seems, her hand coming up to rest against her chest, something tight like a vice growing within.

All those plans, all those lists, everything she had been looking forward to despite the threat that hung over them constantly.

“We’re running out of time. Please remember not to make the same assumptions.” He then snaps his fingers as if suddenly remembering something, “Oh. And about time…time is a very funny thing once you master it.”

Ava collapses onto her knees and in a blink suddenly finds herself alone and trying to gasp for breath.

* * *

“Ava!”

Ava opens her eyes with a sharp gasp, breathing loudly and trying to gulp in air as if she hasn’t had the ability in awhile.

“Ava!” Hands on her face frantically bring her eyes to meet Beatrice’s troubled ones.

“Just breathe,” she whispers as her eyes seem to desperately try to soak in the fact that Ava is awake and breathing before her.

Ava took in the comforting presence of the woman before her.

Until their surrounding suddenly make itself known to the halo bearer.

“Where are we?”

“What? What do you mean? We’re in our room.” Beatrice responds, one of her hands seemingly undecided in between caressing her head and resting against her neck as if feeling for her pulse. Her other hand grasping her by the shoulder.

It finally sinks in for the younger woman that they are in bed together. Beatrice on her side, leaning over her.

“I…I don’t know.” Ava whispers, her gaze seemingly lost somewhere beyond the woman in front of her, though the sheen of tears seem to penetrate the haze, causing Ava to reach out, her finger tracing the lone tear that makes its way down a cheek. 

“You weren’t breathing, Ava.” Beatrice responds to the unvoiced query. The catch in Beatrice’s voice, however, is what breaks Ava from the memories of what she’s learned.

With a half-sob, Ava reaches out for Beatrice, the other woman instinctively reacting by taking her in her arms. “You’re safe, Ava. You’re here.”

Beatrice repeats it again and again, interspersed with how she’s right there with her and how they’re together, and how Ava “will never be alone again.”

But it’s that last sentiment that makes Ava want to break down further.

_How do I even begin to tell her I may be the one leaving her alone?_

“Ava. Can you tell me what happened?” Beatrice is forced to ask after Ava seemed to have finally calmed down somewhat, her concern an understatement given that she woke up to the sight of the woman she loves lifeless beside her. She had been about to contact the OCS and scream for Lilith if necessary, only for Ava to suddenly emit a gasp with her eyes wide open.

Pulling away slightly, but keeping her hands tightly gripping on to the shirt Beatrice is wearing, Ava forces herself to look up and meet the former nun’s eyes.

“Beatrice, there’s…there’s something I need...”

“Something you need? What is it?” The ex-nun seemed ready to leap at a moment’s notice to cater to whatever Ava says next.

“Something I need to do. Please don’t freak out.”

**The END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or is it?   
> This note about to get LONG.
> 
> To everyone who stuck it out this long with me, thank you. I suck at replying to comments, but HUGE thanks to those who left them anyway as this story progressed. Anyway, with this baby done, I just might finally get to replying now. I try not to read or respond to comments lest it mess with the ideas I have in mind. My apologies. 
> 
> Seriously though, thank you to those who let me know their thoughts on this baby. It's nice to know that it's not as stupid as I thought it'd be.
> 
> When I first started writing this piece, it began mostly as trying to explore a specific facet of avatrice: Beatrice's vows.
> 
> Simply put, I love how various fics explore all the ways Ava and Beatrice come together. The thing is, Beatrice IS still a nun. And if the way her character was portrayed in s1 holds true to s2, her vows may make all the difference for Avatrice, barring some life-death situation. Frankly speaking, parts of this fic are highly unlikely to be canon, yet I think the idea of "waiting" for both would be best: waiting for Ava to grow just a little bit more, waiting for Beatrice to come to accept who she is as her own and as someone who would be in a relationship.
> 
> Okay. 'nuff said. Again, thank you for lasting this long with me.


End file.
